The high today will be 14

I am just speechless. That's the high today with the wind chill factored in.

What does "-4" mean?

Wind chill is -4F tonight. I don't even know what that means!! I see it's a toasty 55 in SC...jerks.

On the plus side I am coping very well without my ebook reader, well enough that I question whether I should spend the $100 to fix it. I am going to bc I have access to hundreds of my favorite books, bit if I lived near a library I probably wouldn't.

I am very busy this semester with classes, I have more teaching hours than ever, and my breaks are at bad times. Oh well, just about 2 more months. We do get Xmas, new years, and the lunar new year (feb 14 this year) as holidays, and I'm going to china for the first week of feb, so time will fly by I think. Before we know it I'll be back.

Just 3 things

This is copied directly from an email I sent my friend who is living in an Islamic country right now, so certain words are censored. I trust that you can figure them out, however. I am in a rather melancholy mood tonight, that may explain why I speak so frankly of my loneliness.

There are three things I am thinking and prying about in my life, and would appreciate your support. First, my ebook reader broke today (wait before you judge me as a "selfish brother," haha). Since you've been out of the States for a while and these things are new, I'll explain what they are, but I hope I don't insult your intelligence. An ebook reader is just a device to read electronic books, but the screen isn't like an LCD; it has no backlight and doesn't hurt your eyes. Anyway, it cost about $275, and it broke while in my pocket (i.e. I have no idea how it happened). I was seriously depressed by that because that's my library, I have access to hundreds of books on that thing, and I love reading. Well, through this I've realized that I am allowing technology to fill the void of friends in my life. I'm hiding in my various technological gadgets to fill time because I have basically no friends to spend that time with. My desire is that I would either find a close (both physically and spiritually) friend, or that I would let Him fill that desire. I pry more for the first because, though I know He should satisfy us, I deeply want and need friends, I don't think that is an evil thing. I still feel so lonely in this country.

I love being with others and sharing life with others. If I can't share my experiences with others, I feel they are almost useless. Since I basically have no friends I can share my experiences with in Korea, and I'm beginning to lose hope of finding one, I've begun to try to think differently, and to wonder how the mind of a person who desires a solitary life works. I've come to a conclusion that a solitary person shares their experiences with themselves, and it is this mind that I wish to have, if I can't have friends. Perhaps this is filling my desire with myself, instead of Him or others, I don't know, and I don't know if this is an evil desire, I only know there are 3 things that may be able to stop this pain in my life: find a close friend, learn to share life with myself, or find satisfaction in Him. I can't do this first, and I don't know how to do the last two.

Lastly, I feel I have failed Him in a very real way. I was asked by a friend, in a very natural way during the course of a very natural conversation, why I was a brother. I am afraid I may have failed in answering that question. I said that it makes me different, it changes my desires (of course fleshed out a little more, but that's the gist of it), but that seems very insufficient to me and a poor summary of what we have in Him.

I had a dream that two people challenged the existence of our Father, wanted me to show them proof, irrefutable proof. I said we would go to a mountain and each of us pry, and whoever's pryer brought down fire, his gd was real. I did not say this in a challenging way, a haughty or prideful way, but in a matter-of-fact way.

The next thing I remember in the dream is me near the top of the mountain, and I have the feeling that I was in a green room, perhaps the green room to the top of this mountain, preparing for something. I knew that I doubted what would happen, I did not believe anything would happen when I pryed, I felt as though I was prying one of those "please do this, but if you don't then it's ok" pryers, so wishy-washy and substanceless. I then cried to Him "I believe, but help my unbelief!" I walked to the top of the mountain and told the two people (who were waiting) that a mere spark that ignites the mountaintop is not enough, but that there must be no doubting it when it happens. I knew He would prove Himself, but I also knew that the fire He would send would consume me as well, as judgment. Then I awoke.

I'm fairly certain that dream is connected to me failing to satisfactorily answering my friends question. However, like your desire to study and spend time with your mother, rather than merely passing the test, my words may have hit a target unsearched for and unknown, and that is my pryer. It is only with that hope that I can stop judging myself.

Tragedy!

I just pulled my ebook reader out of my pocket to find that the screen broke at some point in the past thirty minutes!!! I am seriously saddened, and the only recourse for me is to blog about it...how sad.... I emailed the company right away and hope it can be fixed, rather than having to completely replace it. I just don't know what to do, I really can't explain how crestfallen I am right now. And, I just sold all my physical books a couple weeks ago; I have a few academic texts but nothing else. I could read my ebooks on my computer or iPod, but I could also crap into a coffee mug but I don't because it's difficult and awkward.

Heresies, Experiences, and Bad Acting

Today was good. I met up with Grace in Seoul where we went to Costco and bought the makings of a Thanksgiving Dinner. This was quite an experience since the foods are difficult to find here. What we ended up with was a small ham, corn on the cob, broccoli and cream soup (Grace wanted it, even though I told her soup isn't a Thanksgiving thing), salad, and homemade mashed cheesy potatoes. Pretty sad as a T-Day meal goes, but it was shared with Grace and her mother; it was one of the best meals I've had here.

After dinner we went to see 2012, which I had heard had awesome special effects but was pretty terrible in every other aspect. I am here to confirm that statement. The big special effects were great, but the small ones were terrible (they must've been saving money on them). There is a scene where a man throws his child onto a ship, and the momentum carries him over the edge. He fell down the same way the crazy Indian guy does off the ladder at the end of Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom, just terrible effects. However, as things explode and balls of fire chase the characters, you could swear you were there with them.

The plot was the end of the world, I think everyone knows that, but the way the world ends is just the most crazy, fantastic way you could imagine. I mean, everything that could happen, does, and it all has one root cause. It's a little far-fetched with the whole Mayan calendar ending and there's a lining up of planets, whatever, but I guess I don't know enough about the science of it to really say it could or could not happen.

The scenes in this movie were easily, hands down, the most unbelievable ever. There were at least 4 scenes where an average, everyday car makes an incredible jump over who knows how many feet, and lands perfectly with nary a scratch. There were at least 5 scenes where a character says something, and then the event he just mentioned happens as he finishes his final words. As usual, your average Joe (an author/limo driver) saves humanity. Of course the hero has an ex-wife, 2 kids, and the ex-wife has a boyfriend who (no surprise here) dies and allows the exes to be completely reconciled a mere 27 days after he dies.

The plot also skips like crazy, and resolutions are not to be found. It starts in 2009, then goes to 2010 within a few minutes, then I think it skips 2011 altogether and gets right into 2012, with zero explanation of all the things that got us from point A to point B. There are one or two hints at what sorta happened, but you know nothing of the planning, etc. Loved ones die and no one even bats an eye, characters are left in a precarious position and you never find out what happens (I guess they die, whatever). Deus ex machina after deus ex machina save the writer from having to have a decent story (or rather, the writer implements the story so poorly that it comes off as deus ex machinas).

And then, to top it all off, a 5-year-old kid sitting two seats away from me with his mother between us stands up in the middle of the theater while his mother holds a cup, and he pisses in it.

However, I would still recommend going to see 2012 if you simply want to be entertained, and you can engage your suspension of disbelief button in a serious way. It does have great special effects, and is quite intense throughout. I do not regret buying the ticket, but I do wish so many other things had gone into the movie besides cocaine and special effects.

I am a heretic. I understand that. But it's ok when orthodoxy is wrong. Someone made a comment about the rapture, and how if our soul is going to leave our body to be with God, must we feel the experience of dying right before we're raptured? If they could only read the gnostic texts, and then read what John wrote to combat that heresy, they would probably pass out from the contradictions being held in their head. I hesitate to get into discussions over this because I know that I come off as being overbearing, pushy, and rude in a conversation. Of course, my reasoning for this is I'm right and I have lots to back it up with (of coures:) ). Gently (I hope) and within 2 minutes I explained to them how all of what they believe about that is wrong. Their response was something akin to, "Ok, but you can't know because you're not God." The go-to defense when you're standing on nothing but can't admit it or you'd go crazy from your world being shaken upside down. I know, I was there a few years ago. But truth sets you free, and nothing else does, and a secure life in a prison is no life at all.

I just wish that those of you who read this and believe that the gnostic rapture will happen, will enter a discussion with me. I do not want to beat you into submission, I simply want to state my reasons, you state yours, then let us chew on that. If you don't want to for any reason, that's fine, but make sure that "reason" really isn't the resistance to having your beliefs and faith shaken up (after all, our faith is in Christ Jesus, and Him resurrected, not in some tangential thing Paul said to a church in Thessaloníki. I'm sure this comes off (as usual) in a way I don't mean it, in a challenging, I'm-better-than-you, way, but I just want to show and be shown truth, and if our beliefs differ, then at least one of us needs truth.

Thankfulness

Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Jesus the Christ. -Paul of Tarsus

For those of you who want to know God's will for your life, well there it is. I am truly thankful this Thanksgiving (even though technically it's Friday here). As all of you probably know, it hasn't been exactly easy for me living here because I basically have no friends outside of working hours. Something happened this past weekend, mostly Monday I think, and I just don't mind any more. I realized I was not being myself, I was trying to fit in, to not be a strange foreigner, to do what other people want me to, and I was doing all these things 1) to please them 2) and to not be different.

I have no idea how this crept up into me as you all know I am a different person, to say the least (I'm taking my shoes off the moment I land in America and not putting them back on for a long time). I think, though, that in knowing it I can overcome it. This week has been great because I've stopped caring, stopped thinking about it, and just lived. I didn't let things get to me, I didn't hyper-analyze everything others said to make sure I didn't offend, I did strange things (like sit on the curb [that's really strange and dirty in Korea]). My timing is back with my humor and conversation, I've started saying hi to random foreigners on the street, etc.

I can't really take too much credit on this turnaround in my life (especially since I'm still not altogether sure what the cause was and why I'm carefree now). I'm definitely thankful for our God and Father who looks out for us, who doesn't destroy us with our burdens, who provides us with escapes, second chances, love, mercy, and justice.

I'm also thankful for Earthcam, which allows me to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on a webcam at http://www.earthcam.com/events/thanksgiving/2009/. It's pretty cool, and if you love the MTDP, you can view logs of previous years.

This is what a witch's teat feels like

It's cold here. Witch's teat kind of cold. Open a tin can with my nipples kind of cold. Don't sit down on the toilet kind of cold.

The wind chill here is -6C, or 21F. For you Charlestonians and MBers, that's colder than the coldest night in January...and it's mid-November. The average low in January here is -6C, with a light wind that quickly gets to -10C, or in the low teens. I started a fire in my apartment to stay warm. I then sacrificed small woodland creatures on it to appease some strange god. I then ate those small woodland sacrifices to appease my stomach. Nothing worked. I'm still cold.

Nah, it's not really all that bad with a few layers and the heated flooring in my apartment. But it is seriously cold on any exposed skin. I got here in late February and was generally doing ok with what I brought, but now the temperature is becoming even colder, and I have to walk further on a daily basis because of moving. I need to buy some thin sweaters to add another layer, and some wool socks and maybe some warmer gloves (pockets also work), but I'll be fine.

The Nature of Trust, Fear, and Relationships

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I guess it started while I was thinking about the employer-employee relationship: particularly the fear they may inspire (in a bad way). I am not talking about any unnatural, horror kind of fear, just the usual fear that accompanies the feeling of guilt that one has broken a rule, knowingly or unknowingly, or the simple fear of punishment, just or unjust.

Logically, I have nothing to fear from my employer. If I were to do something deserving termination, I could get a job probably the next day at another academy down the road, or even next door. If I were to break one of their rules that I feel doesn't apply to me, then why should I feel guilty, or fearful? I live by my own sets of rules, and within the realm of teaching my #1 rule is "what is best for my students." If I were to break one of their rules but remain within the boundaries of my own rules, then I should have nothing to logically fear. If I were to break my own rules, regardless of breaking theirs, I should feel a sense of regret and a desire to change it or fix it, without any outside "inspiration." Without exhausting all the possibilities, and the patience of everyone reading this, I've come to the conclusion that the fear of punishment or guilt has little to nothing to do with (my) fear experienced at the hands of an employer.

I then began to wonder about the fear we experience even in our familiar relationships. One may fear being insulted (knowingly or unknowingly) by a friend, or being rejected by acquaintances, or the fear of being misunderstood, or any number of fears. Punishment in this case is encapsulated in the act that one fears, namely the rejection, or the insult. Here it seems a very direct connection between fear and punishment.

But then I began to ponder about non-friends and the fear, or lack therof, they may inspire in us. It is almost certain that if your spouse were to call you a whore you would be offended in the utmost, but if a whore passing on the street were to call you a whore, you would likely laugh at him/her. Here there is no fear of punishment from a non-friend, except for a physical punishment (i.e. a good ole fashion beating), likely unjustly delivered. No man walks around with this constant fear from every non-friend, and if he does he lives in a straight jacket.

So the difference is only our relationship with the person, and there lies the rub. What is the nature of relationships, familiar or otherwise, that allows another person to hold sway over our emotions? I suppose the flip side of fear is trust, because to imagine fully trusting someone, and not being offended at their insult, or being offended at someone's insult but trusting them not at all, is difficult, if not impossible. And trust is freely given, freely received. Ergo, as we give our trust we also give the other person the ability to cause us pain.

For many, this is summed up in the cliche: "you always hurt the most those you love," and it's converse, "the ones you love always hurt you the most." But is it possible to give trust and yet remain free from fear and pain? This is what I have been wrestling with, and I find it's a difficult line to walk. On one side is the loner who has closed everyone else off from himself, and on the other is the one who is offended by every slight. Some may refer to the latter as insecure, sycophantic, obnoxious. Either extreme is undesirable, but so is the pain that comes with relationships.

I'm sure many of you are reading nothing new, and some of you may even wonder why I would waste time to type something that is so obvious. But for me, the "Aha!" moment came when everything tied together: that fear/pain and trust are two sides of the same dollar bill: that we needn't give our trust and allow ourselves to be hurt: that to do otherwise is to lead a lonely life: that a median may exist: that we mustn't give our trust to those who don't deserve it: that some do deserve our trust, and to withhold it would be detrimental.

Laughing

This is a vignette primarily about loneliness. I'm reading Chuck Palahniuk so it's somewhat influenced by his style.

And this guy walks out of a corner store laughing maniacally, staring right into my mouth as if lip-reading words that aren't there. I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking. I see a billboard with a woman in a bikini. Over her head are the words "Testicular cancer?" and below her are the words "Call your elementary school." It's dusk--or dawn--they look the same, and the time is the same at this time of year, so my watch with it's hands that can't help, don't help. I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking. A woman who is wearing a shirt with words on it holds a book with no words on it. She moves her book in front of her shirt to cover the words that I am intently reading, and for a moment I experience an optical illusion where the words from the shirt transport themselves onto the book, but it's only a moment and moments don't last very long, never last very long, won't last very long. I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking, and the guy from the corner store comes out of another corner store, only this time laughing more maniacally but still staring into my mouth, hoping for words, praying for words, but I don't understand why, and I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, and then I see this young Korean student guy with long, dark, beautiful hair wearing a skirt, listening to his favorite song 416 times, with red wrist bands on.

Now I see this guy walking towards the corner staring at me staring into his mouth looking for words that aren't there, laughing.

Happy Late Pepero Day!

November 11th, known to the rest of the world as a little holiday called "Veteran's Day," is Bbaebbaelo (pronounced something like pepelow) Day. A Bbaebbaelo is a lot like a long, very thin, cookie, covered in chocolate at one end. It reminds me of an anorexic bread stick from Olive Garden. The irony of the day was not lost on my students as I explained to them what Veteran's Day is, and how silly it seems to be passing out long, thin cookies on that day.

Also, yesterday (today for most of you) was Friday the 13th, and my students also appreciated the fact that the killer's name in those movies is the same as mine. They were also very well-behaved that day after my numerous death threats were finally taken serious.

Darn Daylight Savings Time

I'm a huge fan of xkcd. It updates on MWF at noon Eastern US time. That worked out perfectly for me for a long time because that meant 1pm here. I'd read my xkcd, jump in the shower, and go to work. However, thanks to the stupid Daylight Savings Time, it now updates at 2pm, which is the exact moment I am supposed to be at work. It actually took me all this week to realize what was happening. I just thought it was updating late, but after 3 days in a row it dawned on me, and now I've yet another reason to hate Daylight Savings Time.

Cheong Gye Mountain Part 2

I went hiking to Cheong Gye Mountain again this past weekend with my new friend Poppy.

How we met was pretty interesting. I was selling something on Dave's ESL Cafe (an international English teacher's website) and she wanted to buy it. This was over the summer, but she said she wasn't in Korea at the time and she was coming in August. By the time she got here we had already emailed a few times and I had answered a lot of her questions about Korea, teaching, etc. We tried to get together and hang out but it didn't happen, but lo and behold, a couple weeks ago at church I was talking to a friend when someone turned around and asked if I was Jason. I answered in the affirmative and she said she was Poppy, the girl I had been emailing! Turns out she lives just about a 10-15 minute walk away from my new apartment!

Anywho, back to hiking, I invited her and a few other friends to go hiking since this past weekend was the last nice weekend this year. She was the only one who could go so she and I went, and had a good time. Turns out she is a new Christian, just became Christian since she moved here. She's Persian, and her extended family is from Iraq (Iran maybe? She's from America, though), but there's a lot of persecution and Persians are forced to take Islam. As a result, her parents aren't really down with organized religion, but coming to Korea her coworker is a Christian so she was able to hear the Gospel. It was really encouraging to talk with her and hang out.

Here are the pictures from this past weekend, which was much better than the last time I went to Cheong Gye (both the pictures and the circumstances):

Cheong Gye Mountain II

Church in Baghdad

I received an email from a friend about a church in Baghdad that was the recent victim of a bombing. I won't waste my words, I will let you read them from the source. This is from their blog. If you're interested in more, here's their website: <http://www.frrme.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=31&Itemid=43>

Dear Friends,

I am very sorry to tell you that the two major bomb explosions in Baghdad this morning have done serious damage to the church compound, the clinic, the bookshop, the school rooms and the mothers' union buildings. The windows were replaced after the bombings on 19 August, but they have been destroyed again, and this blast hit the church much more powerfully. Even the window frames and the doors were blown out. All of the cars in the compound and the Danish Memorial were destroyed.

And the clinic? The St George's clinic provides free medical and dental treatment to people in Iraq, regardless of their religious or ethnic background. It is staffed by a team of medics representing each of the Abramic faiths: Muslim, Christian and Jew. It contained high quality medical equipment provided by charitable donations to the Foundation for Relief and Reconciliation in the Middle East. In a moment, much of this equipment has been destroyed, placing it permanently out of reach of the Iraqi people who need it so desperately.

Outside the church, at least 132 people were killed and over 600 injured. Destroyed fragments of their bodies have been thrown through windows of the church, making the clean-up operation yet more unpleasant. Many of our staff and church members remain unaccounted for. Lay Pastor Faiz and I have been trying in vain to reach them by telephone.

Today was a terrible day for us. But even in the blood and trauma and turmoil, there are things for which we can, and indeed must, praise our G-d. The carnage was terrible, but it could have been even worse. At 10.30am this morning, when the bombs exploded, there was no-one in the church. If the bomb had been just a few hours later, the glass from the windows would have ripped through the congregation causing terrible human damage. Yesterday an enormous tree fell down outside the church, which prevented the suicide bomber from detonating his explosives where they would have caused maximum damage.

Some people ask us whether days like today make us want to give up. We have seen much of what we have worked for destroyed. We have seen people we love bereaved. But the truth is, it is days like today that remind us why our work in Iraq is absolutely essential. We must continue to provide a place of worship for Iraqi Christians. We must continue to treat the medical needs of Iraqi civilians. And we must continue to engage with the senior religious leaders from across the sectarian divides, working with them to challenge the belief systems that lie behind this terrible slaughter. We will not stop because of this.

Will you stand with us and help us to restore what was destroyed?

Blessings,

Andrew

My New Apartment

I moved Saturday, and all went well. There were a few minor hiccups, like the movers being 25 minutes early while I was at a restaurant eating breakfast. Or the movers not being told where I live and relying on me to get them there, in broken Korean and English! Fortunately, I assumed that would happen and when I was taken there on Friday I made some mental notes of how to get there. From start to finish, took about 1 1/2 hours, not bad. That doesn't count, however, putting away all the little things in my new place (just finally finished that about 5 minutes ago).

Compare/contrast: my new place is much bigger, and even has a separate bedroom. I never needed a couch because my old place was so small I just used my bed, but now I have nothing to sit on (other than the floor). My new place is in a neighborhood of sorts, so food is further away and there's less of it. I am, however, surrounded by places to shop for clothes and shoes that are usually too small for me :) My new place is right next to an elementary school, so no more walking around naked with the windows open :( My new bathroom is smaller and less conveniently situated. The toilet paper hanger is on the other side of the door, so now I have to shut the bathroom door to take a poo even though I'm the only one in the apartment (John, it's like our place in S'ville). My new kitchen is much smaller, but since I rarely use it that's no problem. It also bleeds right into the living room, giving the whole room a much bigger feel. I have a closet of sorts, instead of hanging my clothes on rods in the corner of the room. The washer in my new place is a top-loader instead of a side loader, which means it's bigger but also less efficient. Even though I have to take a bus to work now, I'm only about a mile from work and there are lots of buses that go from A to B. It will cost me about $1.50/day to get to and from, however.

In short, it's neither better nor worse; it's different. There has, however, already come over me a change in spirit since moving further away from work. I now feel as if I have a real job, and I am on my own. I don't know why I wasn't feeling that way before, and in truth I didn't know I wasn't feeling that way, but my guess is that my old place felt like a dorm. It was also a 3-minute walk from work, which would also resemble a collegiate atmosphere. Another possibility is that everything was setup and provided for my by Topia. While that is still the case, I had to pack and move everything they provided, and I haven't been shown the places to eat, how to get to the subway station, or what buses to take; these are things I've had to find out myself this past weekend, or were things I already knew. Perhaps it is that, most of all, that explains this new feeling. In other words, in a very real sense, I am finally "out on my own," out from under the eye and tutelage of Topia and my boss, even though they have only been bent towards helping me.

Anyway, enough rambling. Here're some photos of my "street" and of my building. Also, a video of my apartment is on Facebook. I tried to put it on here but it took about an hour to do nothing. Just look at my videos on facebook, I think anyone can view it.

Packing

So I'm moving tomorrow. The mover will be here at 10.30 to get my stuff. I have an appointment at 10.00 to set up internet, which is impossible unless the guy's first appointments run long. I doubt they'll run more than an hour long, which is what I'll need if I'm to get to my apartment before him. If I don't, I won't have internet until Monday. What ever will I do!?

I packed two small boxes before tonight. I have to pack everything else...right now. I don't have much so it won't be a problem. The bulk of what I own is clothes, I think. That will be a pain because I won't want to fold them up properly or anything, since I'm essentially moving 10 minutes down the road.

Oh, I went to my place today, just to walk through it. It's really nice. At first glance, I like it better than my current apartment. My current apartment has 3 rooms: an entryway, a bathroom, and a main room where my bed and everything else is. My new place has a (very small) bedroom, in addition to everything else. The size difference between the two places is so small it doesn't matter, but it'll feel much bigger because my bed won't be in the middle of the "living room."

Two drawbacks I've already noticed, however, is that I'll be on the 2nd floor instead of the 3rd, and I'm on the corner of the building instead of the middle. Both of these things will contribute to a higher heating bill. Speaking of which, my heating (water and cooking included) for this past month was about $2.

I'm moving right across the alley from another coworker, who has been living there for about a month now. He has complained that it's difficult to find food after work, which as you know has been the bane of my existence until this semester when my schedule got lighter and I could take more meal breaks. Hopefully that issue won't plague me again. I have nothing to do tomorrow other than get settled and explore my new neighborhood, so I'll report back tomorrow what I find, along with some pictures.

P.S. They definitely took away our overtime, effective immediately. That means more free time, but less money. Isn't that the way of things? The ultimate conundrum: more money, or more free time? If I had more friends here I'd vote for the latter, but as it is I'll just spend more time on Xbox Live with some of you in America.

Cheong Gye Mountain

Topia organized a hike yesterday. It's a pretty popular thing to do, have your boss organize some outing and then them force you to do it regardless of what you already had planned or whatever. I wanted to go, so it didn't matter, and I don't think Topia did that yesterday, but Joy and Grace's mom both work at the same hospital, and their boss made them hike the same mountain as we did yesterday, what a coincidence. Anyway, I got some pictures, nothing very exciting because they mountain isn't very large, and the colors aren't fully colored yet. And, the few shots that would've turned out colorful I had to take facing the sun, so the shot is washed out anyway. Without further adodo (hehe, I said dodo, but not time for poop jokes), here are the pictures:

Cheong Gye Mountain

My realization of my loss of happiness

Saturday was my real birthday celebration. I spent all afternoon with Grace, shopping for some winter shoes (which I didn't find and ended up having to buy online for twice what they're worth), eating, just hanging out in Seoul. After that she met a friend and I went back to Jukjeon and watched a movie with Joy (the girl I'm trying to date). The choices were Fame and District 9. I told her I knew nothing about either and didn't care. She didn't want to make the decision so I chose District 9 since it started earlier and we both had to be up early. This was on the phone, too, so I couldn't even look at the pictures of the movies. She did tell me District 9 was Peter Jackson, so I got excited, but then saw that he only produced it, not directed it. Anyway, I really enjoyed it because it was a very different alien movie, and I would totally review it right here if it were the right place to do so. She did not like it at all. It was much too violent for her.

About Joy. I met her 3 weeks ago with her church group on a Saturday. I then spent some time with her the next day, mostly at church or with church people. Then, that next Saturday (one week ago) she was at church from 9am to I think midnight. (You may be sensing a pattern). Sunday I was hungover and didn't wake until 4pm, but did manage to surprise her by showing up at the cafe she was at around 10pm. She had been in church until then. Saturday she was at church from 3pm-8pm, and yesterday she was at church from 8am-8pm, give-or-take. She is what I would call a "super church-girl."

Since I met her at church and all that, she probably assumes (or assumed) that I was the same way. That thought didn't occur to me until last week when I texted her to tell her I wouldn't be going to church. I was going to say I was sick, but then realized that if I said that she'd feel concerned and sorry, but if I were hungover she probably wouldn't, so I told her the truth expecting her to be repelled and to judge me. She didn't. I was pleasantly surprised and thought maybe there was some hope there.

We had an almost-date Saturday night at the movies, and afterwards I told her I wouldn't be at church the next day because I was going with my friend Heather to Palmi Island (see pictures here). She said that I hadn't been to church the previous week so I had to go that week. I began to lose hope that she would leave me be, and I never had much hope in explaining to her my reasons because I have enough difficulty with that with fluent speakers, let alone someone of lesser English abilities.

I then began to examine what I was doing. I wanted this relationship with a girl whose culture, language, and religious practice I did not share. In all likelihood I will be leaving in a little over 4 months, and it would not be good for either of us. But Joy made me happy. I began to question why, and the answer was simple; I was looking for happiness because I had lost it. When, where, and why I lost happiness I can't quite tell. I am inclined to say it was sometime since I moved to Korea, though it's just as likely that the move simply made it more obvious.

I realized that I've been looking for happiness in people. I look at every girl that walks past me in hopes that our eyes will meet and I will see in them some acknowledgement that I am attractive. I look at men and think to myself that the girls around us find me more attractive because I'm foreign and exotic. I try very hard to be invited to dinner with my coworkers. There are other examples, I am sure, but no more that quickly come to mind. It is all quite pathetic.

I have always found happiness in other people: in their presence, in their happiness, in their approval, in their laughter. Whether this is good or bad I have not yet analyzed, but the point is that I have never looked for happiness in others, I had always had it. Since I have moved here, however, I have had no one else to be with, to find affirmation in, to witness their pure happiness. I have been lonely: in spirit, in person, and in mind. This loneliness has only grown. At first it was my goal to live without internet in my house. This quickly fell because I "needed" it to call friends and family more conveniently. It was my goal to live without a cell phone, but I "needed" it to jump-start a social life here (it hasn't done too much good). I had not intended to buy an Xbox, but I "needed" it to stay in contact with the few friends I can on there. It was my goal not to accumulate things while here, but I "needed" a bike so I could have freedom of mobility. I bought my ebook reader to read books, sure, but I realized once I bought it that I was happier because while I was reading I wasn't living reality, where I was lonely.

I am not entirely sure of the cure. Of course people want to say that God is the answer, and depending upon what is meant I am likely to agree. But I want to know why I was happy before I came here. Was I really happy, or just not noticing that I wasn't because I had so many people around me? I believe the Christian life is made up of three relationships: our relationship to God, our relationship with others, and our relationship with ourselves. Our relationship with God might be broken down into communication (prayer) and obedience, which is borne out in our relationship with ourselves and others. This may or may not be true or helpful, but it is as I've come to see it. If it's true, then our relationship with others is very important. Humans are social creatures and need others, but the extant to which we need them, and who we need, are our sins. I believe I have desired people too much, and desired God and myself too little.

Believing as I do that going into a building that some call a "church" is not necessary to the Christian life, and that our emphasis on reading the Bible is ill-placed because not until the last 100-150 years have the Western public been able to easily and readily own their own Bible (not that it shouldn't be read, but it needn't be memorized, and time is much better spent in "doing"), my emphasis is on people (in all manner) and prayer, and in these I hope to please our God. And in these, I know I have not. But you see how I can so easily go from the idea of pleasing Him with my relationships with others, to pleasing myself with my relationships with others. And the neglecting of prayer is as simple as not doing it, and "none" are the wiser.

It is this tightrope that I thought I was so deftly walking, and have realized that I was not walking at all, but thrashing around on the ground some 30 feet below the rope with a broken neck, only furthering my injuring by my continual movement.

Some of you may be curious about Joy. So am I. I do not know what is going to happen. We are still on good terms, she is aware of none of these thoughts, and she is probably just thinking that I should've gone to church but didn't, oh well.

As a reminder, go here for the pictures of Palmi Island.

God's Will

God's will is a phrase we toss about today like a beanbag at a 6-year-old's birthday party. When the idea of it first came to humanity, it was likely to a nomadic man somewhere in Mesopotamia whose idea of freedom was likely so vastly different than ours as to almost defy definition in our modern frame of mind. As it progressed, and seemingly came to a head in the New Testament, so did the people to whom it was spoken to. Incidentally, doing a search for "God's will" or "will of God" will yield very little (surprisingly little for most people).

So what is God's will? Can it be known? To what extent? I don't know the answer, but it has been enlightening to look at the lives of those who were the first to read Paul's letters, or John's, or Peter's, etc. They did not own cars. The furthest they could hope to travel in a given day would've been less than 50 miles on land, and less than 100 by sea, if in both cases conditions were optimal. These are rough guesses from one totally uneducated in such things, so allow me to be wrong, but I don't think I'm too far off, at least not for sake of my point. Their choice of schooling was limited to their father's income and where they lived, and if any sort of "higher" schooling even existed near them. Their choice of a job was limited to their father's occupation or the kindness of another who was willing to take on an apprentice. Their choice of a spouse was infinitely more limited than ours due to a variety of factors, not the least of which were lesser freedom of travel, less life experiences, and generally lower population densities.

So these three things: occupation, education, and spouse. These are the big things in one's life, and the three things that many Christians think of most often when thinking of "God's will." And it was these three things that our ancestors had so little of a choice in, in comparison to ourselves. And all my previous reckoning was assuming that the person in question was not a slave or servant who had almost no choice in their future, as we may say it.

Yet we all three--moderns, ancients, and ancientests (spellcheck?)--share something in common, and it is in this that I think God's will is focused. It is our daily reckoning with ourself and with others. It is simply living, wherever and whenever one is and chooses, but living truth, and living love.

The New Testament never seems to mention a man's occupation, except that he is leaving it to follow Christ. The New Testament never seems to mention a man's education, except to call it rubbish when measured against the Father's Kingdom. And this is all probably coincidental or accidental, and I build no great statements on them as being a strong foundation, but it is something interesting to consider.

An Enquiry into Somatosensoral Words and Their Subjective Meanings, Particularly Applied to the Eastern Mindset vs the Western Mindset.

Apparently, in the Korean toothbrush market, "Soft" is merely a relative term to differentiate between toothbrush bristles which will rip concrete from its moorings, from those that will merely rip your gums from your head.

Good News, Bad News

First, the bad news. I was told Thursday that the lease on my apartment is up at the end of this month and will have to move because the prices in the area have increased as much as 25%. I won't be moving too far away, just a 10-minute bus ride probably, but that's a lot more than a 3-minute walk :( Plus, I've gotta pack all my stuff. I've been told that when it comes time to move, they'll hire someone to actually move it all, which is nice since I don't have a car here. Almost 8 months here and I have just began to enjoy this town I'm living in, and now I have to move. Oh well, so it goes.

Now, the good news. The overtime was supposed to be taken away last week, but something happened and now it's delayed for another month. Because I thought it was being taken away, I had asked my boss to give me as many as he could. I've been grading an average of 65 e-BCs a week, which results in an extra $140/week, on average. In addition, the won continues to rise agains the dollar, which means I get a small raise every day. Right now the won is where it was just over a year ago. There hasn't been a day in the past month or so where it didn't go up at least a little bit, and sometimes more than a little bit. By the time the overtime does get taken away, I'll be making more on my base salary than I was when I got here, including base and overtime.

There are 4 of us with October birthdays. Two were this past week, and two more next week. Every birthday, Topia buys a cake, and I had been looking forward to at least 2 cakes, assuming they'd combine the birthdays that fell on the same week. Well, guess what, they didn't. They combined all 4 into one, which was basically the low point of my week, realizing I would only get one cake. I've decided, however, to stick it to the man and buy another cake next week because, dammit, I want cake.

A few friends and I are going to Itaewon today, which is foreigner central here, because I need to shop for some good winter shoes. I want some simple moccasins with fur in them because that would be crazy-comfortable, and warm, but I somehow doubt they will sell them, or that they can custom-make them. My number 1 priority in shoes is comfort, and that doesn't even seem to figure on the Korean priorities list. Hopefully I can find something, or my toes will be cold all winter :(

Happy Chuseok!

Today is Chuseok in Korea. Yesterday I went to some nearby mountains with a church group. It was a Christian retreat, and I'm sure most of you can figure out how I feel about those things. This one was exactly what I expected: good people, great people, trying hard to get to a good end, but whose means are not fully thought out.

During discussion, I had to remind the group, more than once, of how the disciples thought of Jesus because everyone there kept talking about it as if they considered Him to be the Son of God, or their God. There were other times where I had to bring things out about the Lord's Supper and the Passover, which should be obvious. It's all so frustrating. I say with Fitzgerald (though out of context) that this is "a new generation, shouting the old cries, learning the old creeds, through a revery of long days and nights; destined finally to go out into that dirty gray turmoil to follow love and pride." It's the same thing said over and over and over again, with little thought as to how does this rubber actually meet the road? I know for some of you it will come as a shock to hear me say this, but where's the practicality? Let's stop talking about "how to grow closer to God," and let's start DOING IT.

Any-dang-way. I did have fun, and I don't regret going. I met a guy who was born and raised in Uganda, who became a Christian and whose family disowned him because of it. I've told him that I'll give him half of my tithes to send to friends and people, as he sees fit, in his country. I met lots of Americans who were very new to Korea, within a month, and I was able to give them some advice and help. I stayed up until 5.30am talking with two other guys, discussing nothing and anything, being refreshed in the presence and conversation of fellow Christians. For some pics of the hike we went on (I went barefoot), go here: <http://picasaweb.google.com/jmphry/NamhanSanseong#>

Today being Chuseok, it was rather hard to find a meal. I invited a few people out to dinner, people who I knew didn't have anything to do on the holiday, and one was sick, one was tired, one never called back, but one did come. He and I went out to dinner, but it was a chore. We were basically trying to find a restaurant open on Thanksgiving or Christmas. All we could find were bars, haha, sad face. We ended up going to this new place that just opened behind Topia. It's a combination butcher and barbeque, so the meat is fresh. It was really pretty good.

The Other

I wrote a poem, which is the first one in over three months. There used to be a time when I'd write at least a poem a day. I wonder what happened to all that creativity. Anyway, about this poem, I was walking home and it was drizzling, sightly chilly, and I met a man walking the other way. That small incident got me thinking and before I got home I had this poem. The rhythm is at times halting, but this is how I would walk if this realization dawned on me while walking home. As narcissistic as I am, I'd appreciate your comments and criticism on this.

The Other

Two travelers if they be called
Converged upon a yellow walk,
Twas brownish viewed within the day
But yellow lamps made it to match their hue.

The Other's shoes was all the Other one espied
For umbrellas did block their view
'gainst cold and wind and rain and dark
And carried each to hearth and home.

And in passing each decried
How like and like their feet were built,
And how their gaits were matched so well
As the pants that atop their shoes did sit.

The night, it had been filled
With wine and merrymaking,
But when the Other left he left his
Mistress sitting, smiling upon her bed.

And as the Other traveled, traveled with a smile
He thought about his wife to whom he tarried,
Who at that selfsame moment sitting upon her bed
Wore nary save a smile.

The Happiest Place in Korea

Grace and some friends decided last-minute to go to Everland, Korea's version of Disneyland or maybe Six Flags, on Saturday night and invited me along. We got there shortly after 7pm and the big attraction, T Express (which goes 140km/hr, or 79mi/hr) closes at 8, and I'm not at all sure why we didn't immediately go there but of course when we did eventually get there it was closed. I think the group didn't know it closed. Anywho, went on a couple of vomit-inducing rides (I was going to describe them but then realized how incredibly hard it is to describe rides), and ate some vomit-inducing food (not really, but I couldn't resist the pun). I told all my students today that I went to Everland on Saturday and they were all angry at me, and then I followed up my news with a test, so they really hated me today, mwahahaha! Ah, the joys of crushing the joys of children...

So my boss reminded me that one of the kids I taught last semester always comes to class in his hopkido clothes, so I asked me where his dojo was. He told me it's near Ori station, which is one subway stop from me, so I'm going to go there some morning this week, if I get up early, and try to find it, or I'll just go Saturday.

Wonderful news: I met a girl who is interested in me, and I share the feeling. One major drawback, however, is that she spends a LOT of time on Saturday and Sunday at church. She wants me to go to all her stuff, but it's in Korean so in refusing it looks like I'm a heathen (which I am, but that's not the point). Her English isn't great, but it seems like it's just rusty from disuse because from Saturday evening when I met her, to Sunday night when we said goodbye, her English had already improved. She's an EMT here, so we can share some stories about nursing and stuff. It's also funny the English she knows from being an EMT, like she knows what a laceration is, but not a scratch, haha. I explained it to her this way: laceration->cut->scratch.

[Insert Clever Title Here]

I bought a bicycle! It's certainly nothing special, it cost about $65 used, but it's a bicycle. I've ridden it around a little bit and it makes it much more convenient to travel to the 24-hour place up the street to eat. I found a halfpipe and I played around on it a little bit. I had never ridden a bike on a halfpipe and it was pretty scary. I didn't even ride to the top, which was no more than 5 feet, but I did start to get a feel for how to do it. I may keep playing around on it, I don't know.

The other exciting thing to note is that I organized a teacher get-together last night. 9 of us went out to dinner after work. More would have come but they had phone calls to make before the end of the month, which is rapidly approaching. I plan to make it a weekly thing. At first we went to a Korean barbecue place and had soju (the Korean rice liquor stuff). One or two left at this point, but we did play a lot of drinking games until the place closed down. Then we went to a karaoke place for an hour, where we drank more soju. Then we went to our favorite bar, which was closed, and then on to a seafood place that was still open, where we drank more soju. By 4am there was just 5 of us left, and we all went home in varying states of disrepair.

I figured the first few get-togethers would just be a time to dump on our bosses and vent some frustration that we otherwise can't because the office atmosphere is one that dissuades one from conversation and friendship, and that's exactly what this one was. One of the girls is quitting whenever they train her replacement, and she had some fun stories. It's really a shame because she's a good person and she enjoys the kids, and without smearing anyone on my blog, I will say there are irreconcilable differences and bridges have been burned. It was great for everyone involved to begin to feel a kindred for their fellow-workers, and I hope these weekly forays into the local bars continues for a long time (though in truth I could do without the karaoke).

I am still half-heartedly saving for an iPod, but I'm hoping for some bday money to get me to my goal (hint hint, mom). I've been without one for almost two months and want to convince myself that I don't want it (which is true), but I definitely want it enough to still justify the purchase of it. It seems like half the use my laptop sees is just as a music player, which is quite a waste of resources and electricity.

Due to John's inspiration in China, I've decided to take up a martial art. Taekwondo is the national sport, but the form I've wanted to learn for a long time is aikido. Unfortunately it's not popular enough to have a presence in the smaller town I live in, but maybe hopkido is close by. If nothing else I will just fall back on taekwondo because I do just want to do it more for the exercise. A potential hurdle I've been made aware of is my schedule. I am free in the mornings on the weekdays, when most others aren't and therefore many things are closed. I could do it only on the weekends, but that's not what I want because it wouldn't be a sustained, continual workout.

The weather is becoming chilly at night. Tonight's low is 14C, or high 50s for you people. The days rarely get further up the scale than the low-to-mid 70s, and the humidity is almost non-existent (at least to a sub-tropical native such as myself). It's quite interesting to see the seasons change in such a dramatic fashion, since I've haven't seen anything like it in 10 years. I look forward to the quickly-approaching winter. I hope to get some hiking in before the temperature gets too cold.

Chuseok is on October 3rd. Briefly, Chuseok is like Thanksgiving. It's a three-day festival, so it if happens to fall on a Tuesday or Thursday then a 5-day weekend results. However, this year, it falls on a Saturday, which means I get 1 day off. I don't want to complain, but can't Korea get its act together and make sure these holidays always fall on a weekday, like America does? This is year is the worst in recent memory for holidays falling on weekends. In the 6 months I've been here I've had 1 holiday off, and took 1 day of vacation off. I've worked most Saturdays and many Sundays. The next holiday isn't until Xmas and New Year's, and the one after that is March 1st, which may or may not be an important holiday, and anyway is the last day of my contract. With all the holidays added up, in the 365 days from March 1st, 2009-March 1st-2010, there will have been only 4 holidays that affect weekday workers. But at least I got a job.

Success!

I sit here eating the most satisfyingly-attained meal I've ever had. If I had caught and strangled a tiger with my bare hands, I scarcely believe it would be more satisfying. You see, I ordered delivery...in Korean. I gave my order, my address, and when it came, my money. So blessed is Korean delivery that there is no extra fee, nor tip. God Bless Korea.

P.S. for the curious, I'm eaing al toke toke bap (fish egg rice).

Whitewater Rafting: Canceled

So. Whitewater rafting. Love it. Gonna go. Got canceled. Frowny face.

Topia was going to go whitewater rafting today. It cost about $30 for everything, traveling, eating, and rafting. I was pretty excited. Then yesterday, I got to work and was told too many people had canceled last minute and transportation therefore became more expensive, so they canceled it. I'm almost speechless...almost.

The online overtime that they're outsourcing to the Philippines got a little change. They're not ready to outsource it yet, so they're going to allow us to do them for 1 more month. I'm really hoping that it continues to get pushed back. Anyway, since it's the last month, I told my boss that I'd do as many as I could, up to 100 per week. That'd be about 10-13 hours/week overtime, and would get me about $200+/week. I ended up grading 70 this week, but you have to factor in those students who didn't do it for one reason or another, so I've probably got 80-100 students who, if they all do it, will get me lots of money. As it is, 70/week is W175,000/week, or $143 right now, according to google. That'll be a nice chunk of change, at least for one last month. And another nice thing is that the quality of the ones I'm grading this semester is much better. One week, last semester, only 19 did them, and I had to fail 10. I nearly always faild 30% or more of them. This week, however, I failed 1/70. Not bad.

Yesterday was 9/11, and as fate would have it one of the books that the students had to read for the online overtime stuff is called Capital Kids. It's about kids who live in different capitals around the world or something. Anyway, the first part is about America, and one of the kids lives in D.C. It talks about the terrorists hitting the Pentagon, and 9/11. It was kinda weird to be grading them yesterday. Got me a little patriotic and I told my first two classes what 9/11 was (most know about it, but don't necessarily know the date, I mean, they're 7-9 years old).

The new iPods came out Wednesday, and should be available in a few weeks. I'll be saving up for one this month and it'll be my birthday present to myself. There was a lot of hype, as always, and Apple responded by delivering a wet fart of an announcement. All iPods got a video camera (but no still camera), except the Touch, which would benefit most from it. The nanos did not get a memory upgrade, while all other models did. The nano did, however, get an FM tuner which I don't need or want, a microphone which I don't need or want, 0.2 more inches of screen which seems paltry, ever-so-slightly better battery life, and an almost-useless pedometer. The prices on nanos dropped $20, and the Touches dropped as much as $120. The classic got a memory upgrade and price drop, and the shuffle got a price drop. Nothing special in the least. Quite disappointing. Some, however, will love the new features on the iPod, but I just want it to play music, and do it well, and it took 5 years for iPods to become as good at that as the competitors such as Creative. EDIT: Just found out that the iPods are available now, but the prices in Korea are expensive. A 16gb nano in America is $179, while it's $220 here. Very disappointing. Not sure I want to buy a new one now.

To end on a positive note, I'm enjoying this new semester with 2 less teaching hours. I am actually able to go into work at 2pm, and not early. And even then I don't always have much to do. Sometimes I just sit at my desk and read. However, as the semester gets into full swing, there will always be "something" to do, just like at any job, and I will try to always do something.

I can see!

I went to the eye doctor Thursday morning with Grace and they determined that my glasses and eyes were matched, and then found out that the tear ducts in my right eye don't work right, so they prescribed me some eye drops. The whole thing cost less than $20 for the appointment, checkup, and eye drops. God bless Korea.

First day of the new semester

Well, it's official: I've got 6 months left. Today was the first day of the new semester. Lots of new teachers who have been slowly trickling in over the past two weeks, doing meaningless office work, today got to actually do their job. The atmosphere in the office is usually quiet, work-like, no family-feeling (which I hate), but the new teachers are changing that a little. I hope us teachers can feel more and more comfortable with each other, though it is weird knowing that just about everyone will leave after 1 year, or in lots of cases less than that.

And speaking of leaving in less than one year, my friend Vivian left. Before getting a job at the school, she applied to be an airline stewardess. She passed the qualifications and stuff, but they weren't hiring so they kept her on file. They called her on Saturday or Sunday and offered her the job. She came into the office on Monday morning and told the boss about it, offered to work for 2 weeks, but instead of congratulated, negotiated with to work longer, praised for her hard work, she was guilted and made to feel like crap for abandoning her job. As if this job is that important. They told her she could just finish the day and leave. That left quite a bad taste in her mouth, and she left last night, quite unhappy. I'm happy for her, she'll be doing more what she truly wants to, but of course we'll miss her and she'll miss us. She gets to work out of Hong Kong, and fly all over the world! Freaking sweet! I'd love to live in HK and fly everywhere!

Vivian's leaving affects me more than just on a personal level: she was going to be my desk partner, and she is notorious for giving her desk partners food. I have now, thanks to fate, been cheated out of a semester of candies and snacks. Woe is me, woe is me! My new desk partner seems nice enough, but no promises of candy in her eyes.

My first day this semester was fine, I had my mastery classes (kids that are basically fluent), which was no surprise because they like to give them to teachers for 6 months rather than 3, and I had even given them homework last Thursday so it was class as usual. My only other class today was an older class that is pretty good at English. I had actually taught two of them my first semester, so it's nice to see them 3 months later and see how they've improved, especially since the single greatest destroyer of teacher spirits is thinking your students aren't learning. I didn't need to be overly strict with them because, being more intelligent students, they're a little more mature and don't need to be beaten as much. Tomorrow, however, I have every intention of slapping around a couple of kids, laying down the law, that kind of thing.

Oh, and Grace is going to go with my to the eye doctor Thursday morning at 9am to get my eyes checked. After that I can order some glasses online and get them shipped here, hopefully within a couple of weeks, and will be able to see well again.

One more "Oh, and." Oh, and the weather here has been a-ma-zing since Friday night. Friday was hot, but the night got into the low 60s. Since then, the high has never gotten higher than 85, and the low has been about 65. I would rate the current humidity level as "unbearable," which is at least two levels lower than Charleston's "freakish death-level" humidity. Therefore, it is quite comfortable to me, while still quite sticky for everyone else. I can laugh now, but when the winter comes and my snot freezes, the glove will be on the other foot, so to speak.

The Meaning of Liff

Liff (n.): a book, the contents of which are totally belied by its cover. For instance, any book the dust jacket of which bears the words. 'This book will change your life'.

The Meaning of Liff is a 200-something page book by Douglas Adams (author of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) that is simply a dictionary of made-up words, liff being one of them which lends itself to the title. I thought it was a pretty witty title, and as such makes it perfectly acceptable for me to steal as my own.

Since I've gotten my new eBook reader, I've read 2 full books, plus parts of many other books. I loves it. Also, in the past week I've rearranged my apartment, found the post office and mailed things to family, and started barefoot running.

First, to the barefoot running. My stomach is probably larger now than it has ever been in life, but that's kind of like saying I'm the fattest kid at anorexia camp. I'm not particularly worried about it, in fact I get a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when I realize that I'm not hungry, and that I'm eating at least 3 meals a day, unlike before I moved here and I was eating maybe 2 meals a day if I was lucky. However, my pants are starting to shrink or something, so I figure I'll get my waist to shrink a little along with them. And as for the barefoot aspect of barefoot running, of course I would do that and I'm sure none of you are surprised. While I'm beginning I'm just running around the block so my body can re-learn how to run properly. As my form gets more natural (and therefore better, faster, more effecient, etc) I will start running longer, obviously.

In the past week, a couple of changes have come over my psyche. Perhaps a quick history is in order. When I first started working at Topia, I was trying to make friends, and I was being myself. I didn't really make any true friends at Topia, and thought that maybe being myself somehow offended others, or something, so I began to chip away at myself. By that I mean I tried to talk less, be less the center of attention, be more comfortable alone, etc. At first I thought this was a good thing and that I would finally stop being so prideful and attention-needy. However, if that was my goal I wasn't going about it the right way, and looking back I can see I was kind of dying inside, and passing it off as something else. My self-confidence was slipping, my humor was going, etc.

Anyway, in the past week I've decided to throw all that crap away and just do what I feel like. In other words, do what I want and consequences (and others) be damned. As a result, I'm much more happy, my self-confidence is returning, and I crack jokes whenever and however I want, and if someone's offended well then they aren't listening right. I'm not entirely sure what has caused this change, but it could be a couple of things. In the past two weeks I've attended a meetup group that just improvises and jams in a guy's apartment, so music has returned to my life. I also attended an atheist meetup group whose sole purpose was to explain to each other why Christians were wrong. As a result, I got the chance to discuss religion. Those are the two greatests passions in my life, I've realized, and they were missing. Another great passion in my life is reading, and it, too, was missing until I bought this eBook reader. I was also under the impression that a co-worker didn't like me, despised me even, for a reason I could not begin to fathom. I finally asked a close friend of hers and he responded with absolute confusion, and said that idea never crossed his mind. This, too, has put me at ease because in my times of weakness and self-consciousness, I had invented all kinds of terrible things I unwittingly did to her/didn't do to her, and thought that she had convinced others I was a terrible person. I was kinda creating my own personal hell, though it's difficult to accurately represent the situation to you because my current state of mind is so contrary to what it was just a couple of weeks ago. In all likelihood I'm representing it much too graphically, but I'm trying to get it right.

As you can see, many changes have happened and I'm not sure what, if any of them, are solely (or even particularly) responsible for my new-found happiness. All I know is, I've got a new book toy thingy, and I don't give a damn no more.

Great News

We got our schedules today, and we do get 2 less hours next semester, yay! I have a 1-hour break on M and F, 2 1-hour breaks on T and R, and no breaks on Wednesday. That means I can finally eat a normal dinner 4 days out of the week! I'm so happy.

However, this can still all go downhill. A foreign teacher had some problems back home and said as recently as two weeks ago he may leave in September. I have heard nothing more from him, though I believe things are working out now. If, however, he were to leave, I imagine we would all get those 2 hours back.

Also, good news, my diarrhea has basically gone away. I still have some stomach problems, but nothing debilitating.

Oh, and I've found out I'm allergic to apples now. This started happening shortly after moving here. I had some apples, felt fine, but then one day I bought a bunch and as soon as I finished an apple I was sneezing and felt that my throat was tight. A week later I had 2 slices of apple that a student gave me, and I felt a similar sensation. Tonight, at work, they gave us green apples and peaches. I tried one slice of green apple, hoping the color difference may help, or that the allergy had gone away with me not eating any, but it was worse than ever. That single slice made my lips tingly and almost numb, made my throat feel tight, and my tongue feel funny. Hopefully I'm not allergic to apple sauce as well because that's one of my staple foods in America.

If I may recap my health problems since coming to this country: I've developed an allergy to one of my favorite fruits, I've developed plantars fasciitis, my eyesight has gotten significantly worse (my eyes feel strained all day and night, and small signs further than 10 feet away are blurry with my glasses on), I wake up with back pain everyday, I had a canker sore while first here, diarrhea, increased lactose intolerance, and I'm the fattest I've ever been in my life (though that's not saying much). Other than the fattness and eyesight, I don't know what to do about anything else. Maybe this post wasn't full of great news, I guess I lied, haha.

Good News (possibly)

Two bits of good news. First, and most important, I was unofficially told that most of us teachers will only be teaching 24 hrs/wk next semester (in one week). I currently teach 26 hrs/wk, and while a 2-hour deduction may not seem like much, it is. 2 hours less teaching means 2 hours less in the classroom, 2 hours more of office-time grading (i.e. not grading at home), and less time preparing for those 2 classes I don't teach. This would equate to about 5 hours less work/week. In addition, we are definitely losing the potential for online overtime, which is going to take $400/month from my pocket, but also give me 5-7 hrs/wk more free time. Odds are I won't be using that free time in any productive way, but I can hope, can't I? This is still unofficial, but I'll be finding out this week.

Second good news is that the eBook Reader that I've been waiting to come into stock is finally in stock, and I'll be heading to their main office on Tuesday morning (they have staff meetings Monday morning and I work in the afternoon) to purchase one for about $250. I'm incredibly excited. I have over a thousand ebooks downloaded already, mostly classics and sci-fi (and one Bible), and can't wait to start reading, especially since I can't check out books from the public library for two weeks. I didn't return one of their books for two weeks, and the punishment is no more books for two weeks. I'm not sure if it's a 1:1 ratio for the punishment, but it did seem like it. I would have rather just paid a couple of bucks, but oh well, I'm getting the ebook reader.

Now for some bad news. I've been at home all day with a terrible case of diarrhea. Yesterday, I had kimchi fried rice with an egg on top, some soup, beans, curry on rice, and a rice ball with kimchi in it (kimchi is the national food, delicious, fermented, and healthy). Nothing out of the ordinary, and I'm beginning to think I have some sort of worm or something. The past couple of hours have been fine, however, so hopefully it'll continue to get better. However, if it's so bad that I can't work tomorrow, then I may get my eBook reader one day early, haha.

I finally got my Xbox working online, so now I'm able to play Halo 3 with friends. However, with John in China, Alex MIA, and the 13-hour time difference, I haven't played with friends much. Oh well, I'm already getting bored of the game again, haha.

I finally found where the post office is. It only took a month. Turns out there is no Jukjeon library, only Suji post office. Jukjeon is where I live, but it's in Suji, so I've been searching for a Jukjeon library (and strangely enough finding it online) and not being able to find it in person. Just in time to be 3 months late for Nick's birthday, nearly 3 months late for father's day, nearly 2 months late for my brother's birthday, and right on time for my sister's birthday. However, I haven't gotten anything for my sister yet. I think I'm going to just send the box I have now, and find something for my sister next weekend.

Good Weekend

This past weekend was pretty good. Friday night, work treated the foreigner staff to dinner and drinks, which is always nice. Nothing crazy happened, luckily. I did find out, conclusively, that our online overtime will be outsourced to the Philippines, which takes about $400/month from me, but there's nothing I can do. No one likes it, except of course the higher-ups, who will be saving a buck or two.

Saturday I finally went into Itaewon. Itaewon is foreigner central, and supposedly has the largest amount of crime in all of Korea. I wouldn't doubt it, the place looks downright shady. I had wanted to not go there ever, just because the stereotype about foreigners there is not very good, but I am planning on going there next Saturday to get some shoes custom-made, so I might as well go now. I met some people there for dinner and discussion. It was a group of atheists, and I suppose they assumed I was an atheist, too. I went because I had nothing else to do, and I wanted to have a decent discussion on religion. Religion being a don't-ask-don't-tell topic for many people, my friends and I don't discuss it. I really enjoyed the discussion, but at times it was all I could do not to laugh at some of them. They of course complained about Christians just regurgitating what they've heard others say without trying to think about it or research it themselves, but some of them did the exact same thing, and I had to correct them on some of their false assumptions. I don't really know what I'm going to do, I'm sure they'll ask for my religious experiences sooner or later and I'll have to tell them the truth, but until then I guess I'll just add another perspective (i.e. one that is well-versed in Christianity).

The group dynamic was pretty interesting. There was an ex-orthodox Jew, a couple of ex-Protestants, and a couple of people who'd never been religious. The ex-orthodox Jew of course knew a lot about Judaism, but the ex-Protestants knew about what the average Protestant knows, and the others knew even less. The next meeting is in two weeks and the discussion will center around a debate between a rabbi and some news guy. According to the ex-orthodox, it's pretty good and the rabbi holds his own.

Sunday, I met up with some fellow musicians and we had a 5-hour jam/improve session. It was pretty cool. Some of us were quite good, some of us were quite new, so laughs were had sometimes on purpose, and sometimes on accident. Afterwards a few of us went to an open-mic night in Itaewon (twice in two nights...) where one of the girls performed a couple of her songs.

Still on the quest for a good friend that I can share things with and just hang out with. As Grace gets closer to quitting Topia, she is becoming more involved with church. She is the kind of person who enjoys being busy, and she knows once she quits work she'll be bored, so I think that's why she's doing this. Seriously, she's probably doing something "churchy" at least 20 hours/week now, on top of working at least 40. It's sickening, actually, because at her church I see very little concern for working outside of the church. Everyone likes to sit in circles and stroke their god-ego. People are constantly trying to pull me in and get me more and more involved, and I just want to shout at them to leave me alone, that I'm fine without their useless Christian backrubs.

I bought an Xbox in early July and have never been able to connect to Xbox Live to download things. That means I can't download updates to games and therefore can't play them online. Basically, the Xbox is useless to me. I've spent at least 6 hours on the phone to Microsoft, and at least as many hours on the internet googling for solutions, and found nothing. I've tried to call my ISP here but I can't get through to anyone. I'm very close to just selling the thing and counting my losses. That'll give me more money to buy an eBook reader and/or iPod.

P.S. It's finally happening! <http://edition.cnn.com/2009/TECH/08/13/cell.phone.wallet/index.html?eref=rss_tech>

To Have and to Have Not

So I lost a bunch of stuff today. I'll start from the beginning, since that's a pretty good place to start. First there was God, and His roommate Steve. Then, God created the universe, and most of what is in it today. Humans created some stuff, too, I guess. Steve didn't really do much.

That brings us to today. A few friends and I wanted to go hiking, so we decided to climb Bukhan Mountain. It's the most popular mountain in the area, and I and two others had been there before. We ended up doing the same climb I did back in early May. Anywho, we we met at a coffee shop at 10am, but on the taxi ride there my wallet fell onto the floor of the cab, and I didn't realized it at the time. I thought the "thump" I heard was a coin hitting the floor, and after a quick inspection and finding nothing, I left the cab. My wallet had my Alien Registration Card (ARC), my iPod, my debit card, my subway money card, and, most importantly, a coupon to Java City.

Korea can be a very honest place at times, so honest it's scary. I've heard stories of people getting the wallet stolen, then mailed back to them with only the money missing. My ARC has my school's address on it, so hopefully they mail it or call or something. My ARC, subway card, and debit card can be easily replaced, but my iPod and Java City coupon can't be. It has taken me nearly 5 months to fill in that whole card to get a free coffee, and now that I have I've lost it. Because I lost my subway card I had to buy single ticket passes all day, which cost a little more than using a subway card, and are lots more annoying.

Before we reached the mountain, two of my friends wanted to stop by a store that sold really cheap backpacks. The cheap backpacks were also low quality, so we started looking at nice, hiking packs, and they were cheap, too. I ended up buying a 40 liter Abba bag for about $30, which isn't incredible or anything, but probably worth about $50 in the States. It helped immensly on the climb, since last time I used my 11-year-0ld Janson backpack from 8th grade which left knots the size of baseballs on my shoulders.

The hike was great, much better than last time because, last time, not all the members of the group were equally motivated, and not everyone had the same goals in mind. It made for a somewhat stressful, at times not fun trip. This time, everyone was on the same page and it was much better. The weather, however, wasn't. There was much more foliage which took away a lot of the views, and it rained on us for about 30 minutes. I would like to show pictures of the hike, but that leads us to my next great loss of the day.

After hiking back down the mountain and getting back into the city, I hoped on my favorite bus, the 1005-1, to go home. I was quite tired from only 6 hours of sleep and the hike, so I dozed a little on the bus. While I was sleeping I had my camera in the crook of my arm, and at some time during the bus ride it fell out of my arm, but I didn't realized it. When I woke up I didn't remember ever holding my camera, so I didn't look for it until I got to my apartment and was unloading my bag. Found it at the bottom of my bag, nevermind.

So, the bad news is over, now for some good news. My camera was already messed up; it couldn't zoom and if I tried it would shut off, so it needed to be replaced sometime soon. I was also contemplating buying another iPod when the new ones come out in September, either the latest model or the one before it, since they'd be cheaper. I still shouldn't be purchasing such expensive electronics willy-nilly, and I don't "need" either one, so if I don't get them returned then I'll just do without for a while, but it would be nice to have them so I can sell them when I want to upgrade. Oh well, so it goes.

Life is ok right now, nothing bad, but nothing great either. Still haven't felt connected to this country or any people, so I'd like to go home when my contract is up in 7 months. The coolest thing going on right now is that I'm kinda hellbent on buying an ebook reader. I've stopped drinking and buying expensive foods, just to save up. So far, in just two weeks, I've saved about $100. I'm having trouble with my Xbox, so I may sell that and be able to buy the ebook reader now. In anticipation of getting one, I've downloaded a couple hundred books in the past few days: everything by Hemingway, Salinger, Haruki Murakami, Asimov, Douglas Adams, lots of Robert Jordan and Orson Scott Card, and a few odds and ends.

Oh, and the title is an allusion to a book by Hemingway, "To Have and Have Not."

P.S. sorry for writing so rarely, I had gotten out of the habit while I was busy in June and part of July, and I'm trying to get back into it.

Strangest...Dream...EVER

It was strange, but very comforting. Last night, I dreamed I was taken up through the most beautiful-blue sky, into Heaven. I have absolutely no recollection of what happened while in Heaven, but when I was placed back on Earth I remember being told a number: 8.22. There were one or two more numbers, but that is all I can remember now. For some reason, in the dream, I interpreted this as a specific date in 2010, but not August 22nd. There was some sort of logic involved, but I can't remember now because I can't remember the other number. Then, in the dream, as I realized it was a specific date (all I can remember now is it was sometime in the Fall of 2010), I thought to myself, "I need to remember this date, it's important, it's when the Resurrection will happen." The most beautiful, interesting thing about the dream, the thing I will probably never forget, is the color of the sky, and how comforted it made me feel. Now, of course I'm not saying I had some sort of vision or anything, but it was the only dream like that I've ever had.

The next dream I remember having was getting married. The date was sometime between now and fall of 2010, which makes me think it was an extension of the first dream, or something. It was the wedding day, and our families were all there and I remember us having to do stupid things that the families wanted. And by "stupid things" I mean weird stuff, like take our shoes off, and eat with only our pinkies. Anyway, just after the ceremony I remember thinking, "Oh no! My apartment is a mess (which it is right now), and we're going there right now." Another thought also occurred to me: I didn't have any condoms for the honeymoon. In short, I was unprepared for this wedding day. However, it, too, was a very comforting dream because of the feelings I had for my unknown wife, and the feelings I knew she had for me. We didn't have the wedding-day jitters, or that super-euphoric love, just an unstated, I-will-do-anything-for-you love.

Immediately upon waking, I tried to mix these dreams together and interpret them. I came up with the idea (and this is moments after waking, still in a dream-like stupor) that the Resurrection really was going to happen in a little more than a year, and that I would not be ready. I can't quite agree with that interpretation, however, because I'm not convinced I had a vision from God, and in the wedding dream I didn't feel bad because I was unprepared, it was something that just happened.

Like I said, I'm not convinced I had some vision from God, but that dream was very strange, different than any dream I can remember having, and it was so peaceful and reassuring. It was welcomed, because I've been so busy lately and I feel like I'm being pursued: by work, by worry, by time.

So busy

I have been sooo busy this past month with all my classes. Every week I have to grade 18 1-2 page essays, 17 short essays, 12 story summaries, 12 character analyses, prepare two pages of in-depth discussion questions for two classes (questions such as, how does the author use chiaroscuro in the story, what is the purpose of parody, what are the conflict, plot events, and resolution of the story, how does the author use housework to illustrate the deeper meaning of the story etc.), grade 12 word tests that include spelling, part of speech, and sentences, etc, and that's only for 6 of my 13 classes. Those are my most work-heavy classes, but that doesn't mean there's nothing to the others. As I've mentioned before, I tend to get to work an hour or two early, stay 30 minutes, grab dinner, then grade papers for an hour or so, then go to bed. Now, in addition to all that, I have midterms to grade.

Today, however, I caught up...somehow. I have nothing big to grade this weekend, and my usual online overtime is smaller this week for various reasons. In short, I am relieved almost to the point of tears. I want to assign less work so I will have less work to grade, but if I do that the students won't learn as much.

I traveled to a nearby city and bought a used Xbox 360 from a guy. I had been debating over it for months, and finally decided to do it. I had been spending between $5-10 a week in internet cafes, playing Starcraft b/c I was bored (until I got so busy, that is). I bought the 360 and two games for around $200, and I probably won't be going to internet cafes anymore, so technically I kinda saved money. In addition, John is moving to China and it'll be nice to play Halo with him, in addition to Mike and Alex who are still in South Carolina. I don't have Halo yet, but I've been able to talk to both Mike and John while playing different games, so that's pretty cool.

I've been thinking a lot about extending my contract or not, and it basically boils down to a job. If I don't have a job setup in America when my contract is up, there's almost no point going home to the economy and trying to find one. However, I can't imagine a situation in which I would extend more than 6 months, so I'll almost certainly be back in the country before September 2010. My friend Austin, however, has been doing independent website design. He's been able to make pretty good money and, from what I can tell, keep pretty steadily employed. If I can manage to study some programming languages while I'm here, I could head back to America after my 1 year, assuming nothing keeps me here (primarily the proverbial girlfriend). Doing programming will also allow me the opportunity to travel and see the friends who will, by that time, scatter to the corners of America. The problem will be finding time. Therefore, I'm considering not doing the online overtime next semester, which will cost me ~$100/week, but will also give me ~5 hours/week. Knowing myself, however, those 5 hours may go towards things not productive. It's all very tentative, as you can see.

On a totally unrelated note, ThePirateBay.org is being bought out for just under 8mil and it will become subsidized. A horrible blow to those of us who believe information should be free. I have never thought much of what I am able to produce or give, and have always had trouble charging for it. For instance, I taught surf lessons for free through much of high school and college, even though they go for ~$30/hour for a private, and I taught flute lessons for almost 2 years for free. I also have a difficult time imagining teaching private lessons here in Korea for money. It upsets me to see some charge outrageous prices for, what amounts to, frivolity. Thus, in Korea where there are no ramifications, I shall pirate all the media I can, while I can.

Umbrellas

Rainy season
Seoul.
Sidewalks,
Submitted to the seasonal rain,
Are flooded,
And couples,
Cheating rain,
Take refuge in European faux cafes with stupid forks.

The windows are thrown open to make a restaurant into an open-air cafe.
The seat-mate's back is to the rain
Her face being framed by cherry blossoms
Who are washed in the rain.
Passerbys cradle their umbrellas
In hues of pink, grey, gray, and rainbow
And he comments how his is broken.
Which is good, because later,
He will walk into the rain, sans umbrella
To hide his tears in the rain.

That's very hot

Title is a reference to a Korean sketch comedy show, you can view it here: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Otrl8bGejvU> . Remember, Asian men and Asian women will hold hands to show friendship, not necessarily homosexuality (but the two on the right are pretty clearly playing gay people). If anyone says anything contain the words "that's," "very," or "hot," they tend to break out into this for a few seconds. The song they sing, "Sorry," is a really popular K-pop song right now. The two guys in white are in the group that sings that song. Oh, and you guys in America might want to start getting used to this kind of stuff: <http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eodFU4b237s>. Apparently this group is about to release some stuff in America, most likely this song. I'm hoping something is lost in the translation b/c those English lyrics SUCK. I mean, it's K-pop so I don't know what I'm expecting, but I would be nice for some pop song somewhere to not suck (besides, of course, Aqua, whose entire CD which includes Barbie Girl is a definite winner and the only pop album I own, and proudly).

The title is also referencing the weather. Today is the first day of the year it'll break 30C (86F). Summer is definitely coming, only a few days away. I always love the summer solstice because it's the longest day of the year, and I always tell myself I'm going to get up with the sun and try to stay up 24hrs. I could've done that while in college since my schedule was whatever, but I definitely can't do that now. Oh well, maybe some day. However, since Korea doesn't do daylight savings time, the sun sets sometime after 8pm, not almost 10pm like in Charleston. It kinda kills some of the effects.

I've been working like crazy these past couple weeks. My mastery classes are a joy to teach, but they drain me with all the extra homework, grading, tests, handouts, etc. I spend 1 hour of prep time for every 1 hour of class time with them. That's pretty high, just ask any teacher. Then, I spend at least 1 hour of grading for every 1 hour of class time, so if you want to include grading as prep, the ratio is actually 2:1. In addition, I have 3 other classes that write essays or whatnot on a regular basis, and I have to correct it and give it back to them to rewrite. Unit Tests started yesterday, so I have to grade them, as well. I'm still doing online overtime, so everything considered I'd say I'm working about 60hrs/wk. My days have been going like this: wake up at 11.30, get to work by 1. Begin prepping, or grading, or do EBCs (online overtime), whichever is most pressing. Teach classes from 3.30-10, put grades and homework online, go to Cheers, a bar across the street (not named after the show, just named after the saying), and grade papers for an hour or two, go home, do EBCs or just veg out in front of my computer for an hour or two or three, go to sleep, repeat. Needless to say I'm getting tired.

Having made new friends with Grace's cousin and the bus stop girl (her name is Jade) really helps things, and I'm meeting Jade at 2pm Saturday to go to Mokdong. I've been there a couple of times but don't really remember the circumstances, so I can't say what there is to do there. Basically, I have no idea what we're doing. Doing that on Saturday takes away the time I would spend with the family doing language exchange, and I really love hanging out with them. I may see if I could start seeing them on Saturday or Sunday, depending on the week, but idk if that'll work with them. I haven't called Grace's cousin, but I'm considering calling her up and seeing if she wants to do something Sunday evening. Of course we'd meet in Seoul somewhere b/c there's nothing to do in Jukjeon (where I live), but even still she's almost 2 hours away, so even meeting in the middle means an hour of travel for each of us. I may just relax Sunday, idk.

An almost all-nighter

Grace had free time yesterday (quite a rarity) so I spent the afternoon with her in southern Seoul, a place called Gangnam. It's a really, really nice part of Seoul, I've been there about 5 times. Dr. Fish is there, the place where you stick your feet into the fish tank and they eat dead skin from your feet. Grace's cousin also came along, and the three of us had fun.

Grace had to be at church around 7pm so she left early, but her cousin and I had nothing to do so we walked around for a long time, then ate dinner at a sushi place. It was really good sushi, and then names were cool, too. I got Charlie Brown sushi, she got Treasure Island sushi. Good stuff. After dinner I suggested a movie, so we went and bought tickets to The Taking of Pelham 123 (the worst acting I've ever seen from John Travolta and Denzel Washington, btw, don't waste your time unless you just want to see action). The movie didn't get out until midnight, and the subways close at 11pm on weekends. I was under the impression that the buses had stopped running as well, so I thought I was stuck. Grace's cousin, meanwhile, was closer to home and took a taxi.

I hung out at the bus stop with a hundred other people trying to catch the last bus home, but I didn't know if mine would come. I finally asked a cute Korean girl to make sure I was even headed in the right direction, and her English was surprisingly good. Another problem was I had no money on my travel card, and I didn't have exact change (buses require exact change to ride). She offered to pay for my ticket since she was headed in the same direction, and of course we struck up a conversation on the bus. Turns out she lives about 10 minutes from me, and works two days on, two days off at a hotel. I'm actually about to leave right now to have dinner with her (still not 100% positive if it's a date or not, it may just be a language thing) before she heads to work.

So, instead of pulling an accidental all-nighter in Gangnam, I met a friend, got the last bus home, slept in my own bed, got up for church, and might have a date right now.