I'm home!

I am home, safe and sound. The flghts weren't bad, though there was a SCREAMING baby on the long flight. Touched down about 15 minutes early in Charleston and 9 friends were there to meet me. Good friends, good times.

Lots to say...I think

It's been quite a while, sorry. The past 3-4 months I've been terrible at communicating with you guys. There are still two emails in my inbox from late Dec/early Jan.... I've just been in a funky mood. Well, today I woke up at noon (sorta early for me), felt great, and decided to update and post pics.

First, I went to the 63 building. It's Korea's tallest building. It was built in 1985, and at that time was the largest building outside of North America. It was built for the 1988 Summer Olympics. It has an aquarium, over 90 stores, numerous restaurants (including a European bistro on the 59th floor), wax museum, Imax Theater, etc. Here're the pics: http://picasaweb.google.com/jmphry/63Building#.

The ski trip to the east coast got cancelled. Instead, I went to a nearby one by myself. It took like 2 hours to get there because of bus transfers and traffic, but I only snowboarded for a couple of hours anyway cuz I suck much worse than I used to. The place I went to had only a handful of runs and is generally regarded with derision by my friends, but I don't care cuz it's close, and I suck. Anyway, here're pics: http://picasaweb.google.com/jmphry/YangjiPineResort#.

I went to China during the first week of February to see John and Lindsey. It was crazy fun getting to see them again, and making a new friend, Erin. We went to a couple of parks, a zoo, ate at a lot of different restaurants, painted the town red (but then we remembered that's the commie color, so then we painted it white and blue), watched a few movies, tasted some tea, bought lots of tea, etc, etc, etc. One of those "etcs" is me leaving a chunk of toe flesh in an escalator. Pretty gruesome, but I'll never run up a down escalator in sandals again. When I got back to Korea, people asked me if I went to a doctor in China, and I just laughed. I wanted to keep my toe, not have it infected and later amputated. Here're the pics (not of the toe, of a park, zoo, and temple): http://picasaweb.google.com/jmphry/ParkTempleAndZoo#.

I got new prescriptions in my glasses, so my eyesight is fine now. I didn't remember this, but Grace told me that when I first went back in August, they said that my eyesight had gotten a tiny bit worse, but that eyedrops would probably help it and cost less. All I remember is them saying to use eyedrops. The eye doctor was amazingly cheap and efficient. First, let me tell you that there is one on every second corner, I swear. I walked into one, told them my problem, they administered an eye test, examined my glasses, then made me new lenses to fit into my current frames, all in less than an hour-and-a-half and for less than $70. I feel like a freaking hawk now. To quote Brian Regan, "I just had my prescription changed over 6 years. You ever wait that long? Then you get new lenses and you're like, 'Man, I coulda been seeing things." How could instantly improved vision not be on the top of your to-do list. 'Ehhh, I'll see tomorrow.'"

I've only got 5 more days of teaching left! I'm excited about not working. People've asked me if I'm excited about going home, and I guess it just hasn't hit me. It will when I'm on the plane, but right now all I'm thinking about it packing, selling crap, moving to Grace's house, vacation, then packing again and traveling for 25 hours....

For those of you who don't know, my plans are the following: finish work on Friday the 26th. Move to Grace's house on Saturday. Hang out with her and a few friends all week, doing touristy stuff. Fly out on Saturday morning at 10:30 local time. Get to Tokyo at 12:25 local time, 7 hour layover, then arrive at DFW at 3:35pm local time. 3 hour layover, then arrive in Charleston at 9:45pm local time. Because of the time change, all this happens on Saturday, March 6th. I will take off at 10:30am and land at 9:45pm, but it will take 25 hours. I will live in Charleston at Nick's house for the week, then move to Myrtle Beach for a few months or maybe through the summer. The timing will be difficult on that because I need a job, and I want to ultimately live in Charleston, so I can't wait until after the summer to get a job in Charleston.

I guess I did have a lot to say. I'd like to say I'll update this regularly again, but with my current track record I really don't have much faith in that statement. I've also been wondering what to do with this blog when I get back, since the name of it is, after all, "Jason in Seoul."

Quick Update

It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted, and I've done a fair bit in that time, but for now I'll just give a brief rundown and fill in some details later.

On both Xmas eve and New Year's Eve, my friend and I went into Itaewon (the foreign center of Seoul and therefore the sleaziest, dirtiest part, relatively speaking of course. Basically, it feels like America, haha) to a club, then to a bar. Quite the way to celebrate the eve of our Lord's birth, I know.

We got 3-day weekends for Xmas and New Year's, which was nice, though longer would've been nicer. Then, we had a snow day yesterday, making our 3-day New Year's weekend into a 4-day. However, we will be making that day up on a Saturday :( I tried to make snowmen with the snow but I couldn't get it to pack tight :(:(

I went to the 63 building, which is Korea's tallest building and yes, it's 63 stories tall. I will post pictures from that soon, though I had to delete a lot of almost-good photos. It was at night and difficult to get a non-blurry shot, as well as minimize the reflections in the window.

The threat of overtime is over, there weren't enough students interested so I won't be going into the office 3 hours early during this month, YEEHAW!

Today I got my visa for China; now I need to get a ticket. I'm trying to go directly through China Southern Airline's website in hopes of saving some money, but that might prove to be too complicated.

I think my eyesight is getting worse. I had some problems with it in late summer and got prescribed eye drops which seemed to fix the problem at first, but over time proved less and less effective. Now I've come to realize that if I look through my glasses at an angle more extreme than just straight-on, it improves my vision, which seems to indicate that I need stronger lenses.

I am signed up to go snowboarding on the east coast, where the best mountains are, this Saturday. The cost might be a lot, like around $300 for everything for one day. That seems really steep so I'm hoping there was a miscommunication, but probably not. Oh well, I'll foot that bill once, while I'm here, for the experience, and because I haven't been in years.

And the most depressing of news: I no longer regard snow, that thing which draws out words such as pure, clean, beautiful, which is forever intoned in the phrase "pure as the wind-driven snow," I no longer regard it as such. I have seen it dirtied, trampled on, mixed with grease and grime, thrown onto bystanders by speeding cars, unwantedly sticking to shoes, making black puddles on floors. I have tasted the Korean snow, and far from pure, it tastes like dirt. Dirt...

The high today will be 14

I am just speechless. That's the high today with the wind chill factored in.

What does "-4" mean?

Wind chill is -4F tonight. I don't even know what that means!! I see it's a toasty 55 in SC...jerks.

On the plus side I am coping very well without my ebook reader, well enough that I question whether I should spend the $100 to fix it. I am going to bc I have access to hundreds of my favorite books, bit if I lived near a library I probably wouldn't.

I am very busy this semester with classes, I have more teaching hours than ever, and my breaks are at bad times. Oh well, just about 2 more months. We do get Xmas, new years, and the lunar new year (feb 14 this year) as holidays, and I'm going to china for the first week of feb, so time will fly by I think. Before we know it I'll be back.

Just 3 things

This is copied directly from an email I sent my friend who is living in an Islamic country right now, so certain words are censored. I trust that you can figure them out, however. I am in a rather melancholy mood tonight, that may explain why I speak so frankly of my loneliness.

There are three things I am thinking and prying about in my life, and would appreciate your support. First, my ebook reader broke today (wait before you judge me as a "selfish brother," haha). Since you've been out of the States for a while and these things are new, I'll explain what they are, but I hope I don't insult your intelligence. An ebook reader is just a device to read electronic books, but the screen isn't like an LCD; it has no backlight and doesn't hurt your eyes. Anyway, it cost about $275, and it broke while in my pocket (i.e. I have no idea how it happened). I was seriously depressed by that because that's my library, I have access to hundreds of books on that thing, and I love reading. Well, through this I've realized that I am allowing technology to fill the void of friends in my life. I'm hiding in my various technological gadgets to fill time because I have basically no friends to spend that time with. My desire is that I would either find a close (both physically and spiritually) friend, or that I would let Him fill that desire. I pry more for the first because, though I know He should satisfy us, I deeply want and need friends, I don't think that is an evil thing. I still feel so lonely in this country.

I love being with others and sharing life with others. If I can't share my experiences with others, I feel they are almost useless. Since I basically have no friends I can share my experiences with in Korea, and I'm beginning to lose hope of finding one, I've begun to try to think differently, and to wonder how the mind of a person who desires a solitary life works. I've come to a conclusion that a solitary person shares their experiences with themselves, and it is this mind that I wish to have, if I can't have friends. Perhaps this is filling my desire with myself, instead of Him or others, I don't know, and I don't know if this is an evil desire, I only know there are 3 things that may be able to stop this pain in my life: find a close friend, learn to share life with myself, or find satisfaction in Him. I can't do this first, and I don't know how to do the last two.

Lastly, I feel I have failed Him in a very real way. I was asked by a friend, in a very natural way during the course of a very natural conversation, why I was a brother. I am afraid I may have failed in answering that question. I said that it makes me different, it changes my desires (of course fleshed out a little more, but that's the gist of it), but that seems very insufficient to me and a poor summary of what we have in Him.

I had a dream that two people challenged the existence of our Father, wanted me to show them proof, irrefutable proof. I said we would go to a mountain and each of us pry, and whoever's pryer brought down fire, his gd was real. I did not say this in a challenging way, a haughty or prideful way, but in a matter-of-fact way.

The next thing I remember in the dream is me near the top of the mountain, and I have the feeling that I was in a green room, perhaps the green room to the top of this mountain, preparing for something. I knew that I doubted what would happen, I did not believe anything would happen when I pryed, I felt as though I was prying one of those "please do this, but if you don't then it's ok" pryers, so wishy-washy and substanceless. I then cried to Him "I believe, but help my unbelief!" I walked to the top of the mountain and told the two people (who were waiting) that a mere spark that ignites the mountaintop is not enough, but that there must be no doubting it when it happens. I knew He would prove Himself, but I also knew that the fire He would send would consume me as well, as judgment. Then I awoke.

I'm fairly certain that dream is connected to me failing to satisfactorily answering my friends question. However, like your desire to study and spend time with your mother, rather than merely passing the test, my words may have hit a target unsearched for and unknown, and that is my pryer. It is only with that hope that I can stop judging myself.

Tragedy!

I just pulled my ebook reader out of my pocket to find that the screen broke at some point in the past thirty minutes!!! I am seriously saddened, and the only recourse for me is to blog about it...how sad.... I emailed the company right away and hope it can be fixed, rather than having to completely replace it. I just don't know what to do, I really can't explain how crestfallen I am right now. And, I just sold all my physical books a couple weeks ago; I have a few academic texts but nothing else. I could read my ebooks on my computer or iPod, but I could also crap into a coffee mug but I don't because it's difficult and awkward.

Heresies, Experiences, and Bad Acting

Today was good. I met up with Grace in Seoul where we went to Costco and bought the makings of a Thanksgiving Dinner. This was quite an experience since the foods are difficult to find here. What we ended up with was a small ham, corn on the cob, broccoli and cream soup (Grace wanted it, even though I told her soup isn't a Thanksgiving thing), salad, and homemade mashed cheesy potatoes. Pretty sad as a T-Day meal goes, but it was shared with Grace and her mother; it was one of the best meals I've had here.

After dinner we went to see 2012, which I had heard had awesome special effects but was pretty terrible in every other aspect. I am here to confirm that statement. The big special effects were great, but the small ones were terrible (they must've been saving money on them). There is a scene where a man throws his child onto a ship, and the momentum carries him over the edge. He fell down the same way the crazy Indian guy does off the ladder at the end of Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom, just terrible effects. However, as things explode and balls of fire chase the characters, you could swear you were there with them.

The plot was the end of the world, I think everyone knows that, but the way the world ends is just the most crazy, fantastic way you could imagine. I mean, everything that could happen, does, and it all has one root cause. It's a little far-fetched with the whole Mayan calendar ending and there's a lining up of planets, whatever, but I guess I don't know enough about the science of it to really say it could or could not happen.

The scenes in this movie were easily, hands down, the most unbelievable ever. There were at least 4 scenes where an average, everyday car makes an incredible jump over who knows how many feet, and lands perfectly with nary a scratch. There were at least 5 scenes where a character says something, and then the event he just mentioned happens as he finishes his final words. As usual, your average Joe (an author/limo driver) saves humanity. Of course the hero has an ex-wife, 2 kids, and the ex-wife has a boyfriend who (no surprise here) dies and allows the exes to be completely reconciled a mere 27 days after he dies.

The plot also skips like crazy, and resolutions are not to be found. It starts in 2009, then goes to 2010 within a few minutes, then I think it skips 2011 altogether and gets right into 2012, with zero explanation of all the things that got us from point A to point B. There are one or two hints at what sorta happened, but you know nothing of the planning, etc. Loved ones die and no one even bats an eye, characters are left in a precarious position and you never find out what happens (I guess they die, whatever). Deus ex machina after deus ex machina save the writer from having to have a decent story (or rather, the writer implements the story so poorly that it comes off as deus ex machinas).

And then, to top it all off, a 5-year-old kid sitting two seats away from me with his mother between us stands up in the middle of the theater while his mother holds a cup, and he pisses in it.

However, I would still recommend going to see 2012 if you simply want to be entertained, and you can engage your suspension of disbelief button in a serious way. It does have great special effects, and is quite intense throughout. I do not regret buying the ticket, but I do wish so many other things had gone into the movie besides cocaine and special effects.

I am a heretic. I understand that. But it's ok when orthodoxy is wrong. Someone made a comment about the rapture, and how if our soul is going to leave our body to be with God, must we feel the experience of dying right before we're raptured? If they could only read the gnostic texts, and then read what John wrote to combat that heresy, they would probably pass out from the contradictions being held in their head. I hesitate to get into discussions over this because I know that I come off as being overbearing, pushy, and rude in a conversation. Of course, my reasoning for this is I'm right and I have lots to back it up with (of coures:) ). Gently (I hope) and within 2 minutes I explained to them how all of what they believe about that is wrong. Their response was something akin to, "Ok, but you can't know because you're not God." The go-to defense when you're standing on nothing but can't admit it or you'd go crazy from your world being shaken upside down. I know, I was there a few years ago. But truth sets you free, and nothing else does, and a secure life in a prison is no life at all.

I just wish that those of you who read this and believe that the gnostic rapture will happen, will enter a discussion with me. I do not want to beat you into submission, I simply want to state my reasons, you state yours, then let us chew on that. If you don't want to for any reason, that's fine, but make sure that "reason" really isn't the resistance to having your beliefs and faith shaken up (after all, our faith is in Christ Jesus, and Him resurrected, not in some tangential thing Paul said to a church in Thessaloníki. I'm sure this comes off (as usual) in a way I don't mean it, in a challenging, I'm-better-than-you, way, but I just want to show and be shown truth, and if our beliefs differ, then at least one of us needs truth.

Thankfulness

Give thanks in everything, for this is God's will for you in Jesus the Christ. -Paul of Tarsus

For those of you who want to know God's will for your life, well there it is. I am truly thankful this Thanksgiving (even though technically it's Friday here). As all of you probably know, it hasn't been exactly easy for me living here because I basically have no friends outside of working hours. Something happened this past weekend, mostly Monday I think, and I just don't mind any more. I realized I was not being myself, I was trying to fit in, to not be a strange foreigner, to do what other people want me to, and I was doing all these things 1) to please them 2) and to not be different.

I have no idea how this crept up into me as you all know I am a different person, to say the least (I'm taking my shoes off the moment I land in America and not putting them back on for a long time). I think, though, that in knowing it I can overcome it. This week has been great because I've stopped caring, stopped thinking about it, and just lived. I didn't let things get to me, I didn't hyper-analyze everything others said to make sure I didn't offend, I did strange things (like sit on the curb [that's really strange and dirty in Korea]). My timing is back with my humor and conversation, I've started saying hi to random foreigners on the street, etc.

I can't really take too much credit on this turnaround in my life (especially since I'm still not altogether sure what the cause was and why I'm carefree now). I'm definitely thankful for our God and Father who looks out for us, who doesn't destroy us with our burdens, who provides us with escapes, second chances, love, mercy, and justice.

I'm also thankful for Earthcam, which allows me to watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on a webcam at http://www.earthcam.com/events/thanksgiving/2009/. It's pretty cool, and if you love the MTDP, you can view logs of previous years.

This is what a witch's teat feels like

It's cold here. Witch's teat kind of cold. Open a tin can with my nipples kind of cold. Don't sit down on the toilet kind of cold.

The wind chill here is -6C, or 21F. For you Charlestonians and MBers, that's colder than the coldest night in January...and it's mid-November. The average low in January here is -6C, with a light wind that quickly gets to -10C, or in the low teens. I started a fire in my apartment to stay warm. I then sacrificed small woodland creatures on it to appease some strange god. I then ate those small woodland sacrifices to appease my stomach. Nothing worked. I'm still cold.

Nah, it's not really all that bad with a few layers and the heated flooring in my apartment. But it is seriously cold on any exposed skin. I got here in late February and was generally doing ok with what I brought, but now the temperature is becoming even colder, and I have to walk further on a daily basis because of moving. I need to buy some thin sweaters to add another layer, and some wool socks and maybe some warmer gloves (pockets also work), but I'll be fine.

The Nature of Trust, Fear, and Relationships

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I guess it started while I was thinking about the employer-employee relationship: particularly the fear they may inspire (in a bad way). I am not talking about any unnatural, horror kind of fear, just the usual fear that accompanies the feeling of guilt that one has broken a rule, knowingly or unknowingly, or the simple fear of punishment, just or unjust.

Logically, I have nothing to fear from my employer. If I were to do something deserving termination, I could get a job probably the next day at another academy down the road, or even next door. If I were to break one of their rules that I feel doesn't apply to me, then why should I feel guilty, or fearful? I live by my own sets of rules, and within the realm of teaching my #1 rule is "what is best for my students." If I were to break one of their rules but remain within the boundaries of my own rules, then I should have nothing to logically fear. If I were to break my own rules, regardless of breaking theirs, I should feel a sense of regret and a desire to change it or fix it, without any outside "inspiration." Without exhausting all the possibilities, and the patience of everyone reading this, I've come to the conclusion that the fear of punishment or guilt has little to nothing to do with (my) fear experienced at the hands of an employer.

I then began to wonder about the fear we experience even in our familiar relationships. One may fear being insulted (knowingly or unknowingly) by a friend, or being rejected by acquaintances, or the fear of being misunderstood, or any number of fears. Punishment in this case is encapsulated in the act that one fears, namely the rejection, or the insult. Here it seems a very direct connection between fear and punishment.

But then I began to ponder about non-friends and the fear, or lack therof, they may inspire in us. It is almost certain that if your spouse were to call you a whore you would be offended in the utmost, but if a whore passing on the street were to call you a whore, you would likely laugh at him/her. Here there is no fear of punishment from a non-friend, except for a physical punishment (i.e. a good ole fashion beating), likely unjustly delivered. No man walks around with this constant fear from every non-friend, and if he does he lives in a straight jacket.

So the difference is only our relationship with the person, and there lies the rub. What is the nature of relationships, familiar or otherwise, that allows another person to hold sway over our emotions? I suppose the flip side of fear is trust, because to imagine fully trusting someone, and not being offended at their insult, or being offended at someone's insult but trusting them not at all, is difficult, if not impossible. And trust is freely given, freely received. Ergo, as we give our trust we also give the other person the ability to cause us pain.

For many, this is summed up in the cliche: "you always hurt the most those you love," and it's converse, "the ones you love always hurt you the most." But is it possible to give trust and yet remain free from fear and pain? This is what I have been wrestling with, and I find it's a difficult line to walk. On one side is the loner who has closed everyone else off from himself, and on the other is the one who is offended by every slight. Some may refer to the latter as insecure, sycophantic, obnoxious. Either extreme is undesirable, but so is the pain that comes with relationships.

I'm sure many of you are reading nothing new, and some of you may even wonder why I would waste time to type something that is so obvious. But for me, the "Aha!" moment came when everything tied together: that fear/pain and trust are two sides of the same dollar bill: that we needn't give our trust and allow ourselves to be hurt: that to do otherwise is to lead a lonely life: that a median may exist: that we mustn't give our trust to those who don't deserve it: that some do deserve our trust, and to withhold it would be detrimental.

Laughing

This is a vignette primarily about loneliness. I'm reading Chuck Palahniuk so it's somewhat influenced by his style.

And this guy walks out of a corner store laughing maniacally, staring right into my mouth as if lip-reading words that aren't there. I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking. I see a billboard with a woman in a bikini. Over her head are the words "Testicular cancer?" and below her are the words "Call your elementary school." It's dusk--or dawn--they look the same, and the time is the same at this time of year, so my watch with it's hands that can't help, don't help. I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking. A woman who is wearing a shirt with words on it holds a book with no words on it. She moves her book in front of her shirt to cover the words that I am intently reading, and for a moment I experience an optical illusion where the words from the shirt transport themselves onto the book, but it's only a moment and moments don't last very long, never last very long, won't last very long. I'm walking, I'm walking, I'm walking, and the guy from the corner store comes out of another corner store, only this time laughing more maniacally but still staring into my mouth, hoping for words, praying for words, but I don't understand why, and I'm running, I'm running, I'm running, and then I see this young Korean student guy with long, dark, beautiful hair wearing a skirt, listening to his favorite song 416 times, with red wrist bands on.

Now I see this guy walking towards the corner staring at me staring into his mouth looking for words that aren't there, laughing.

Happy Late Pepero Day!

November 11th, known to the rest of the world as a little holiday called "Veteran's Day," is Bbaebbaelo (pronounced something like pepelow) Day. A Bbaebbaelo is a lot like a long, very thin, cookie, covered in chocolate at one end. It reminds me of an anorexic bread stick from Olive Garden. The irony of the day was not lost on my students as I explained to them what Veteran's Day is, and how silly it seems to be passing out long, thin cookies on that day.

Also, yesterday (today for most of you) was Friday the 13th, and my students also appreciated the fact that the killer's name in those movies is the same as mine. They were also very well-behaved that day after my numerous death threats were finally taken serious.

Darn Daylight Savings Time

I'm a huge fan of xkcd. It updates on MWF at noon Eastern US time. That worked out perfectly for me for a long time because that meant 1pm here. I'd read my xkcd, jump in the shower, and go to work. However, thanks to the stupid Daylight Savings Time, it now updates at 2pm, which is the exact moment I am supposed to be at work. It actually took me all this week to realize what was happening. I just thought it was updating late, but after 3 days in a row it dawned on me, and now I've yet another reason to hate Daylight Savings Time.

Cheong Gye Mountain Part 2

I went hiking to Cheong Gye Mountain again this past weekend with my new friend Poppy.

How we met was pretty interesting. I was selling something on Dave's ESL Cafe (an international English teacher's website) and she wanted to buy it. This was over the summer, but she said she wasn't in Korea at the time and she was coming in August. By the time she got here we had already emailed a few times and I had answered a lot of her questions about Korea, teaching, etc. We tried to get together and hang out but it didn't happen, but lo and behold, a couple weeks ago at church I was talking to a friend when someone turned around and asked if I was Jason. I answered in the affirmative and she said she was Poppy, the girl I had been emailing! Turns out she lives just about a 10-15 minute walk away from my new apartment!

Anywho, back to hiking, I invited her and a few other friends to go hiking since this past weekend was the last nice weekend this year. She was the only one who could go so she and I went, and had a good time. Turns out she is a new Christian, just became Christian since she moved here. She's Persian, and her extended family is from Iraq (Iran maybe? She's from America, though), but there's a lot of persecution and Persians are forced to take Islam. As a result, her parents aren't really down with organized religion, but coming to Korea her coworker is a Christian so she was able to hear the Gospel. It was really encouraging to talk with her and hang out.

Here are the pictures from this past weekend, which was much better than the last time I went to Cheong Gye (both the pictures and the circumstances):

Cheong Gye Mountain II

Church in Baghdad

I received an email from a friend about a church in Baghdad that was the recent victim of a bombing. I won't waste my words, I will let you read them from the source. This is from their blog. If you're interested in more, here's their website: <http://www.frrme.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=31&Itemid=43>

Dear Friends,

I am very sorry to tell you that the two major bomb explosions in Baghdad this morning have done serious damage to the church compound, the clinic, the bookshop, the school rooms and the mothers' union buildings. The windows were replaced after the bombings on 19 August, but they have been destroyed again, and this blast hit the church much more powerfully. Even the window frames and the doors were blown out. All of the cars in the compound and the Danish Memorial were destroyed.

And the clinic? The St George's clinic provides free medical and dental treatment to people in Iraq, regardless of their religious or ethnic background. It is staffed by a team of medics representing each of the Abramic faiths: Muslim, Christian and Jew. It contained high quality medical equipment provided by charitable donations to the Foundation for Relief and Reconciliation in the Middle East. In a moment, much of this equipment has been destroyed, placing it permanently out of reach of the Iraqi people who need it so desperately.

Outside the church, at least 132 people were killed and over 600 injured. Destroyed fragments of their bodies have been thrown through windows of the church, making the clean-up operation yet more unpleasant. Many of our staff and church members remain unaccounted for. Lay Pastor Faiz and I have been trying in vain to reach them by telephone.

Today was a terrible day for us. But even in the blood and trauma and turmoil, there are things for which we can, and indeed must, praise our G-d. The carnage was terrible, but it could have been even worse. At 10.30am this morning, when the bombs exploded, there was no-one in the church. If the bomb had been just a few hours later, the glass from the windows would have ripped through the congregation causing terrible human damage. Yesterday an enormous tree fell down outside the church, which prevented the suicide bomber from detonating his explosives where they would have caused maximum damage.

Some people ask us whether days like today make us want to give up. We have seen much of what we have worked for destroyed. We have seen people we love bereaved. But the truth is, it is days like today that remind us why our work in Iraq is absolutely essential. We must continue to provide a place of worship for Iraqi Christians. We must continue to treat the medical needs of Iraqi civilians. And we must continue to engage with the senior religious leaders from across the sectarian divides, working with them to challenge the belief systems that lie behind this terrible slaughter. We will not stop because of this.

Will you stand with us and help us to restore what was destroyed?

Blessings,

Andrew

My New Apartment

I moved Saturday, and all went well. There were a few minor hiccups, like the movers being 25 minutes early while I was at a restaurant eating breakfast. Or the movers not being told where I live and relying on me to get them there, in broken Korean and English! Fortunately, I assumed that would happen and when I was taken there on Friday I made some mental notes of how to get there. From start to finish, took about 1 1/2 hours, not bad. That doesn't count, however, putting away all the little things in my new place (just finally finished that about 5 minutes ago).

Compare/contrast: my new place is much bigger, and even has a separate bedroom. I never needed a couch because my old place was so small I just used my bed, but now I have nothing to sit on (other than the floor). My new place is in a neighborhood of sorts, so food is further away and there's less of it. I am, however, surrounded by places to shop for clothes and shoes that are usually too small for me :) My new place is right next to an elementary school, so no more walking around naked with the windows open :( My new bathroom is smaller and less conveniently situated. The toilet paper hanger is on the other side of the door, so now I have to shut the bathroom door to take a poo even though I'm the only one in the apartment (John, it's like our place in S'ville). My new kitchen is much smaller, but since I rarely use it that's no problem. It also bleeds right into the living room, giving the whole room a much bigger feel. I have a closet of sorts, instead of hanging my clothes on rods in the corner of the room. The washer in my new place is a top-loader instead of a side loader, which means it's bigger but also less efficient. Even though I have to take a bus to work now, I'm only about a mile from work and there are lots of buses that go from A to B. It will cost me about $1.50/day to get to and from, however.

In short, it's neither better nor worse; it's different. There has, however, already come over me a change in spirit since moving further away from work. I now feel as if I have a real job, and I am on my own. I don't know why I wasn't feeling that way before, and in truth I didn't know I wasn't feeling that way, but my guess is that my old place felt like a dorm. It was also a 3-minute walk from work, which would also resemble a collegiate atmosphere. Another possibility is that everything was setup and provided for my by Topia. While that is still the case, I had to pack and move everything they provided, and I haven't been shown the places to eat, how to get to the subway station, or what buses to take; these are things I've had to find out myself this past weekend, or were things I already knew. Perhaps it is that, most of all, that explains this new feeling. In other words, in a very real sense, I am finally "out on my own," out from under the eye and tutelage of Topia and my boss, even though they have only been bent towards helping me.

Anyway, enough rambling. Here're some photos of my "street" and of my building. Also, a video of my apartment is on Facebook. I tried to put it on here but it took about an hour to do nothing. Just look at my videos on facebook, I think anyone can view it.

Packing

So I'm moving tomorrow. The mover will be here at 10.30 to get my stuff. I have an appointment at 10.00 to set up internet, which is impossible unless the guy's first appointments run long. I doubt they'll run more than an hour long, which is what I'll need if I'm to get to my apartment before him. If I don't, I won't have internet until Monday. What ever will I do!?

I packed two small boxes before tonight. I have to pack everything else...right now. I don't have much so it won't be a problem. The bulk of what I own is clothes, I think. That will be a pain because I won't want to fold them up properly or anything, since I'm essentially moving 10 minutes down the road.

Oh, I went to my place today, just to walk through it. It's really nice. At first glance, I like it better than my current apartment. My current apartment has 3 rooms: an entryway, a bathroom, and a main room where my bed and everything else is. My new place has a (very small) bedroom, in addition to everything else. The size difference between the two places is so small it doesn't matter, but it'll feel much bigger because my bed won't be in the middle of the "living room."

Two drawbacks I've already noticed, however, is that I'll be on the 2nd floor instead of the 3rd, and I'm on the corner of the building instead of the middle. Both of these things will contribute to a higher heating bill. Speaking of which, my heating (water and cooking included) for this past month was about $2.

I'm moving right across the alley from another coworker, who has been living there for about a month now. He has complained that it's difficult to find food after work, which as you know has been the bane of my existence until this semester when my schedule got lighter and I could take more meal breaks. Hopefully that issue won't plague me again. I have nothing to do tomorrow other than get settled and explore my new neighborhood, so I'll report back tomorrow what I find, along with some pictures.

P.S. They definitely took away our overtime, effective immediately. That means more free time, but less money. Isn't that the way of things? The ultimate conundrum: more money, or more free time? If I had more friends here I'd vote for the latter, but as it is I'll just spend more time on Xbox Live with some of you in America.

Cheong Gye Mountain

Topia organized a hike yesterday. It's a pretty popular thing to do, have your boss organize some outing and then them force you to do it regardless of what you already had planned or whatever. I wanted to go, so it didn't matter, and I don't think Topia did that yesterday, but Joy and Grace's mom both work at the same hospital, and their boss made them hike the same mountain as we did yesterday, what a coincidence. Anyway, I got some pictures, nothing very exciting because they mountain isn't very large, and the colors aren't fully colored yet. And, the few shots that would've turned out colorful I had to take facing the sun, so the shot is washed out anyway. Without further adodo (hehe, I said dodo, but not time for poop jokes), here are the pictures:

Cheong Gye Mountain

My realization of my loss of happiness

Saturday was my real birthday celebration. I spent all afternoon with Grace, shopping for some winter shoes (which I didn't find and ended up having to buy online for twice what they're worth), eating, just hanging out in Seoul. After that she met a friend and I went back to Jukjeon and watched a movie with Joy (the girl I'm trying to date). The choices were Fame and District 9. I told her I knew nothing about either and didn't care. She didn't want to make the decision so I chose District 9 since it started earlier and we both had to be up early. This was on the phone, too, so I couldn't even look at the pictures of the movies. She did tell me District 9 was Peter Jackson, so I got excited, but then saw that he only produced it, not directed it. Anyway, I really enjoyed it because it was a very different alien movie, and I would totally review it right here if it were the right place to do so. She did not like it at all. It was much too violent for her.

About Joy. I met her 3 weeks ago with her church group on a Saturday. I then spent some time with her the next day, mostly at church or with church people. Then, that next Saturday (one week ago) she was at church from 9am to I think midnight. (You may be sensing a pattern). Sunday I was hungover and didn't wake until 4pm, but did manage to surprise her by showing up at the cafe she was at around 10pm. She had been in church until then. Saturday she was at church from 3pm-8pm, and yesterday she was at church from 8am-8pm, give-or-take. She is what I would call a "super church-girl."

Since I met her at church and all that, she probably assumes (or assumed) that I was the same way. That thought didn't occur to me until last week when I texted her to tell her I wouldn't be going to church. I was going to say I was sick, but then realized that if I said that she'd feel concerned and sorry, but if I were hungover she probably wouldn't, so I told her the truth expecting her to be repelled and to judge me. She didn't. I was pleasantly surprised and thought maybe there was some hope there.

We had an almost-date Saturday night at the movies, and afterwards I told her I wouldn't be at church the next day because I was going with my friend Heather to Palmi Island (see pictures here). She said that I hadn't been to church the previous week so I had to go that week. I began to lose hope that she would leave me be, and I never had much hope in explaining to her my reasons because I have enough difficulty with that with fluent speakers, let alone someone of lesser English abilities.

I then began to examine what I was doing. I wanted this relationship with a girl whose culture, language, and religious practice I did not share. In all likelihood I will be leaving in a little over 4 months, and it would not be good for either of us. But Joy made me happy. I began to question why, and the answer was simple; I was looking for happiness because I had lost it. When, where, and why I lost happiness I can't quite tell. I am inclined to say it was sometime since I moved to Korea, though it's just as likely that the move simply made it more obvious.

I realized that I've been looking for happiness in people. I look at every girl that walks past me in hopes that our eyes will meet and I will see in them some acknowledgement that I am attractive. I look at men and think to myself that the girls around us find me more attractive because I'm foreign and exotic. I try very hard to be invited to dinner with my coworkers. There are other examples, I am sure, but no more that quickly come to mind. It is all quite pathetic.

I have always found happiness in other people: in their presence, in their happiness, in their approval, in their laughter. Whether this is good or bad I have not yet analyzed, but the point is that I have never looked for happiness in others, I had always had it. Since I have moved here, however, I have had no one else to be with, to find affirmation in, to witness their pure happiness. I have been lonely: in spirit, in person, and in mind. This loneliness has only grown. At first it was my goal to live without internet in my house. This quickly fell because I "needed" it to call friends and family more conveniently. It was my goal to live without a cell phone, but I "needed" it to jump-start a social life here (it hasn't done too much good). I had not intended to buy an Xbox, but I "needed" it to stay in contact with the few friends I can on there. It was my goal not to accumulate things while here, but I "needed" a bike so I could have freedom of mobility. I bought my ebook reader to read books, sure, but I realized once I bought it that I was happier because while I was reading I wasn't living reality, where I was lonely.

I am not entirely sure of the cure. Of course people want to say that God is the answer, and depending upon what is meant I am likely to agree. But I want to know why I was happy before I came here. Was I really happy, or just not noticing that I wasn't because I had so many people around me? I believe the Christian life is made up of three relationships: our relationship to God, our relationship with others, and our relationship with ourselves. Our relationship with God might be broken down into communication (prayer) and obedience, which is borne out in our relationship with ourselves and others. This may or may not be true or helpful, but it is as I've come to see it. If it's true, then our relationship with others is very important. Humans are social creatures and need others, but the extant to which we need them, and who we need, are our sins. I believe I have desired people too much, and desired God and myself too little.

Believing as I do that going into a building that some call a "church" is not necessary to the Christian life, and that our emphasis on reading the Bible is ill-placed because not until the last 100-150 years have the Western public been able to easily and readily own their own Bible (not that it shouldn't be read, but it needn't be memorized, and time is much better spent in "doing"), my emphasis is on people (in all manner) and prayer, and in these I hope to please our God. And in these, I know I have not. But you see how I can so easily go from the idea of pleasing Him with my relationships with others, to pleasing myself with my relationships with others. And the neglecting of prayer is as simple as not doing it, and "none" are the wiser.

It is this tightrope that I thought I was so deftly walking, and have realized that I was not walking at all, but thrashing around on the ground some 30 feet below the rope with a broken neck, only furthering my injuring by my continual movement.

Some of you may be curious about Joy. So am I. I do not know what is going to happen. We are still on good terms, she is aware of none of these thoughts, and she is probably just thinking that I should've gone to church but didn't, oh well.

As a reminder, go here for the pictures of Palmi Island.